Date Your Mate

Whether you are in the new love phase, the harried parents of small kids phase, or the kids are gone - now what phase, one of the most important things you can do to nurture your relationship is to date your mate.  I know, I know...you are busy, money is tight, American Idol is on, you need a nap...the excuses for neglecting this important part of being in a relationship are endless (and, yes, often very valid).  Trust me, I feel you.  My life is crazy - I have three small kids and a big dog, my house is never completely clean, my husband travels almost weekly for work, we make many decisions based on whether we can afford to spend the time or money, and I haven't felt well-rested since early 2003.  Many of you have far more on your plate than I do!

What I can tell you is that in spite of how crazy/busy/tired/etc. we are, expending the time and effort to date my husband again has brought us to a point where we are closer than ever.  We will celebrate our 11th wedding anniversary in a few weeks and things have never been better between us.  In spite of (and possibly because of) some really rough patches, we have learned that in order for our relationship to thrive we need to check in and connect one-on-one on a regular basis.

When we make an effort to spend quality alone time as a couple we communicate more effectively, we are on the same page more frequently, we argue less, we hold hands more.  In a nutshell, we are are more in tune with one-another.  Does that mean it is easy and life is all sunshine and rainbows? No, of course not, but in order for a marriage to coast through the young love phase, thrive through the harried parent stage, and become that much sweeter in the empty-nest phase, you must have a healthy, connected relationship as a couple.  When God said, "And the two shall become one," in Genesis 2:24 He was referring to the connectedness required for a marriage to thrive.

So, how do you make this connectedness a priority?  In the book Love and War: Finding the Marriage You've Dreamed Of, John and Stasi Eldredge put it this way: "What you want to do is create an environment where over time and with intentionality, you are nurturing companionship.  Every day is unrealistic; once a month isn't often enough. Somewhere in between."  Just try something, anything that begins to create such an environment.  The Eldredges go on to caution that it, "can feel a little awkward [at first, but to] initiate anyway, and don't be put off if your first few efforts aren't warmly received." (Love and War).

Your "dates" don't have to look like they did when you were courting, they don't have to look like the ideal set forth on TV and in movies.  Personally, we have had some of the most fruitful "dates" compiling information and filling out paperwork for our foray into the world of adoption.

How do you fit it into your already crazy/hectic/over-programmed life? You could get a babysitter if availability and finances allow it.  Don't have family to babysit or don't know a reliable babysitter you trust?  Ask around.  We have found several great sitters through the site www.care.com.  If finances are an issue, get together with another family and swap date nights (you watch their kids while they go on a date and they reciprocate).  Don't be afraid to ask for help.  We have amazing next-door neighbors whose boys are both in college and who love our kids.   They have taken care of our kids for a couple of hours so we had time to ourselves.

If a few hours away, just the two of you isn't an option, make time when your kids are otherwise occupied or sleeping.  Don't feel the need to use every spare moment to "accomplish" something.  The mother whose house is always spotless, who makes nutritious meals from scratch every night, has time for hobbies, is well-rested, and whose children never watch TV and behave perfectly DOES NOT EXIST - don't work yourself half to death and neglect your marriage trying to be her.

Feed the kids early and get the young ones to bed and occupy the others with books, games, movies, etc. so the two of you can eat dinner just the two of you.  Linger over doing the dishes together.  Go to the park and talk while the kids play.  Get up before the kids and start the day with breakfast and/or coffee together.  Text message or IM each other during the day or while apart.  Ask each other questions and really listen to the answers.  The Eldredges write, "It might now have the drama that sexual passion offers, but, 'How was your day?' might be the most beautiful gift a marriage offers. Waiting to and wanting to hear the answer conveys, 'Your life matters. Your life has meaning.'" (Love and War)

There will always be tension between giving your time and energy to your children and focusing on your relationship with your spouse.  Just the other night, on our way home from an awesome date watching the KC Sporting beat Montreal, we were fretting about whether we were taking too much time away from our kids and spending too much money on babysitting.  I don't think that question goes way.  I do know that a stronger relationship as a couple, based on personal relationships with Jesus, provides a stronger foundation for your family to grow and thrive upon.  What can YOU do this week to date your mate?

- Katrina K.

Edible Easter Traditions

© Jura13 | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

I don't know about you, but food factors into many of my best memories of holidays and special occasions as with the Seder Meal.  Next to Christmas, Easter has some of the best edible traditions!  Many of these traditions date back to the early church and before.

Two treats that can be used to tell the story of the resurrection are Resurrection/Easter Rolls and Resurrection/Easter Cookies.  Both end with a special surprise that reminds us of the empty tomb on Easter morning.

Resurrection Rolls are made with pre-made bread dough of some sort (crescent rolls, dinner rolls, biscuits, etc.), large marshmallows, melted butter, cinnamon, and sugar.  Pinterest has many examples (as usual) with more detailed directions.  There is an excellent explanation here at Happy Home Fairy that includes accompanying Bible verses or culturally relevant pieces of information related to how the dead were honored in the time of Jesus.

Image from Happy Home Fairy

You begin with a large marshmallow that represents the body of Christ.  Dip the marshmallow in the melted butter, then roll in the cinnamon and sugar to represent the oils and spices that were used to cleanse and anoint bodies in preparation for burial.  Flatten the dough you have chosen to use, rolling it out large enough to completely wrap the marshmallow.  Place the marshmallow in the dough and wrap, sealing the seams to keep the yummy cinnamon/sugar mixture in when baking.  Place on a baking sheet, in the cups of a muffin tin, or pressed together in a round cake pan.  Bake according to package instructions for your dough.

When you break open the cooled rolls, you will find a sweet surprise - an empty center representing the empty tomb, coated in cinnamon, sugar, and melted marshmallow to represent the sweetness of the gift Jesus gave us by taking on our sins.

Resurrection Cookies are a little more time consuming, but can be a special Easter morning treat.  The recipe is on our Recipes and Traditions page here.  Other great recipe/explanations can be found at Tasty Kitchen here and Beneath My Heart here.

Picture from Tasty Kitchen

First, you must preheat the oven to 300 or 350 (depending on recipe you choose to follow).  Then you put 1 cup of pecans into a plastic zipper bag and beat it with a wooden spoon, breaking the nuts into pieces (remembering that Jesus was beaten after his arrest), taking 1 teaspoon distilled white vinegar (a reminder that on the cross Jesus was given vinegar to drink), adding 3 egg whites (because eggs are a symbol of life and Jesus gave his life for us, so that we may have a new life in him), sprinkling a pinch of salt into the mixture (representing the tears shed by Jesus' followers) - at which point the mixture is very unappetizing, but the sweetest part comes next - add 1 cup of sugar (because Jesus died for us because he loves us and wants us to be with him).  You beat the mixture with an electric mixer until stiff peaks form (12-14 minutes), noting the white color which represents the purity of Jesus and that our souls are washed clean through his sacrifice.

Fold the broken nuts into the mixture and drop dough by teaspoonfuls onto parchment paper lined cookie sheets.  Place in the oven, seal with tape (remembering how the tomb was sealed), turn the oven off and go to bed.  It is disappointing going to bed without getting to taste the cookies, Jesus' followers were sad to leave their friend and teacher in the tomb.  The next morning give everyone a cookie and marvel that they are hollow, just as Jesus' followers found an empty tomb on the very first Easter.

Hot Cross Buns have been a traditional Good Friday treat since at least the early 1700's.  While the traditional buns eaten in celebration seem to predate Christ, hot cross buns have become a symbol of Easter for Christians.  Food Timeline has an interesting discussion of the origins of many of these treats and their relation to the Easter holiday.

Image from Spoonful

Spoonful has a straightforward recipe here.  Other recipes include other dried fruits in addition to the dried currants.  The process is fairly involved, but looks like it could be an awesome tradition to start with slightly older kiddos!  My daughter loves helping in the kitchen (even if it stresses me out a bit) so I look forward to making these this year.

Braided Easter Bread is a sweet treat that brings together eggs as a symbol of renewal and rebirth and a crown shape that puts us in mind of the crown of thorns that was thrust upon Christ's head.

Image from Dishbase

This is a yeasty bread with candied fruit and nuts, rolled out and "braided" before forming into a circle or crown shape, then adorned with raw colored eggs prior to baking.  You can find a recipe at Dishbase here.  This particular recipe refers to it as Italian Braided Easter Bread so we may have the Italians to thank for such a neat Easter tradition!

A Messianic Seder

Source: Ann Voskamp's blog, www.aholyexperience.com

Today we are in for a real treat as Frann Wohlers, a gifted and well-known teacher among Mothers Together ladies, takes us through a Messianic Seder Meal.  The Seder is a religious ceremony telling the story of Passover traditionally a Jewish ritual but so chalk full of meaning and symbolism for us Christians as each element points to the purpose of and need for Christ.  For some of you this will be the first time you have been introduced to a Seder meal so included below are some definitions that will help set the stage.  

This is surely to be a very special time and will most definitely help prepare our hearts to celebrate the ultimate sacrifice and display of love in Christ.

What is Passover?
According to the account of the first Passover recorded in Exodus 12, a lamb's blood was shed and doorposts were painted so God would "pass over" that house, sparing the family from death. As a spiritual picture, this symbolizes the blood of the Lamb of God, Jesus, being painted on the doorposts of our heart. What a beautiful picture of forgiveness!
 When we compare the principles of the Passover to the details surrounding the death and resurrection of Jesus, it's exciting to see how the two are related. God's directives to His people thousands of years ago foreshadowed His plan to deliver each one of us through Jesus' death and resurrection hundreds of years later.  (Source: Focus on the Family, www.ThrivingFamily.com website)

Here is Ann Voskamp's view of the Christian meaning of Passover.  She is a well known and respected author most widely known for her book, "One Thousand Gifts" and her blog called "A Holy Experience".  See more references by her later in this post.

"Keeping Passover isn’t about keeping laws and regulations.

Keeping Passover isn’t about keeping our burdens.

Keeping Passover isn’t about keeping some empty, meaningless customs.

On the night of four questions, the answer murmur clear in the stream of time: Keeping Passover is about keeping our way on The Way.

Passover is about keeping something worth preserving: emblems pregnant with the fulfillment of the New Covenant.

Passover is about the questions that keep time to the beat of our children’s heart:

Why am I here?
What does all of this living really mean?
Where am I headed?
When will I be all that I am to be?

And this story, His story, His three-thousand-year-old Passover story has answers, told on a quiet evening in spring when the trees are budding under nesting birds.

When all the rivers run alive and swift and on forever, free…"

~Ann Voskamp

What is a Jewish Seder Meal?  (Source: Wikipedia)
The Passover Seder (pronounced as say-der) is a Jewish ritual feast that marks the beginning of the Jewish holiday of Passover. It is conducted on the evenings of the 14th day of Nisan in the Hebrew Calendar, and on the 15th by traditionally observant Jews living outside Israel. This corresponds to late March or April in the Gregorian calendar.

The Seder is a ritual performed by a community or by multiple generations of a family, involving a retelling of the story of the liberation of the Israelites from slavery in ancient Egypt. This story is in the Book of Exodus in the Bible. The Seder itself is based on the Biblical verse commanding Jews to retell the story of the Exodus from Egypt: "You shall tell your child on that day, saying, 'It is because of what the Lord did for me when I came out of Egypt.'" (Exodus 13:8) Traditionally, families and friends gather in the evening to read this narrative of the Israelite exodus from Egypt, special blessings and rituals, commentaries, and special Passover songs.

Seder customs include drinking four cups of wine, eating matza, partaking of symbolic foods placed on the Passover Seder Plate, and reclining in celebration of freedom.^[3] The Seder is performed in much the same way by Jews all over the world.

Other Resources for Creating Your Own Family Seder Tradition

• HERE is a link to a Ann Voskamp's version of a Messianic Seder along with free printables including a Menu, Passover Table Setting List and a Program with Four Questions with Life Answers {A Messianic Seder}.
• Click HERE for suggestions from Focus on the Family for hosting your own Seder Meal and the Christian meanings for each element.

Do You Act Like Jesus?

© Sarkao | Dreamstime Stock Photos & Stock Free Images

Have you ever been told "you look, or act like your mother" or "you look, or act like your father"? Sometimes that can be a very flattering compliment, or a deep hurtful wound. 

I have three daughters, and they are often told "you look like your mom" or "you act like your mom". My first response is to apologize, but what else could I do?  I can't help it, they got stuck with my genes. There is no getting around it.  They are my daughters, with the same genetic code.

Has anyone ever told you, "you look like,  or act like Jesus"? That would be the greatest compliment.  It should be said often, because our father created us in His image.  Genesis 1:26-27 , God said "let us make man in our image".......we can only assume God is speaking in terms of the trinity; God the father, God the son, and God the holy spirit. These  words express the wonder of his creativity.  God intended that people would bear his imprint and rule the world. We would reflect His identity and represent Him to all of creation.   We are the instruments God chose to love the world. 

Did God intend for others to see Him when they look at us?  Indeed!  It is not what we do, as much as who we look like that does this work.  Study his face, learn from Him, spend time with Him in His word, listening, praying, receiving, and gradually, you will start to look like Him.  As it is, when you spend time with anyone, you begin to take on their characteristics.   

What are some characteristics of God, Jesus and the holy the Holy Spirit? John 4:8 says, God is love.  1 John 3:16, says Jesus laid down His life for us.  And then Galatians 5:22 says the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, long-suffering, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control.  He looks like love in all ways.   He looks like grace, when others need it.  He looks like..... caring more about others than  oneself.  He looks like giving to others in need.  He looks like forgiveness.  He looks like all good things.  This is the image of God and the characteristics that he imprinted on us. 

It is only when the cares of this world cloud the image of Him in us that we begin to display the characteristics of the old self, and we all know what those look like.  Galatians 5:24 says "those who are Christ's (know Jesus in a personal way) have crucified the flesh  with its passions and desires.  If we live in the spirit,  then let us also walk in the spirit"  That means living out the characteristics of God. And we do that by sitting at his feet, staring into His face, listening and learning, until once again we start reflecting the one who made us and designed us to look like Himself.  

Then we are ready to meet our challenges, be a wife,  parent our children,  be a neighbor, and love others as He intended. And it becomes effortless and natural because God is living through us and He shines!

This week,  watch for the characteristics of God in yourself, and when you see something not of God, crucify it.  Allow only those things that look like God, to be present in our life.  Also, be attentive to the images of God we see in others, and tell them so they might be encouraged in the direction of looking more like their daddy, God,  the one who created them in His own image.

debbie walker

Celebrating Easter with Resurrection Eggs

As my kids get older I often find myself trying to reconcile the secular trappings of faith-based holidays with the real reason for the celebration.  What better way to bring the secular and the sacred together for Easter than by using eggs to tell the resurrection story?

The idea is brilliant and the eggs can be used in so many ways!  Our first resurrection eggs came from a family activity Heartland did a couple years ago.  Sadly, I seem to have misplaced them between last Easter and now, so I am making a new set.  Once again, you can Google resurrection eggs or better yet, search Pinterest to find countless pictures, blog posts, etc. explaining what resurrection eggs are, how to make your own, and how to use them in your home to teach the resurrection story.

This year we are adding a story component to the explanation using the book "Benjamin's Box" by Melody Carlson.  It tells the story of a boy named Benjamin who lived during Jesus' time and collected objects that represented different moments in the resurrection story as it played out.  We plan to read the story the 12 days leading up to Easter, introducing a new object, and thus a new part of the story, each day until we read the complete story and unveil every object on Easter morning.

Depending on which source you use for your list of objects, your eggs may contain slightly different things, but the list is mostly the same:
Egg #1. donkey (figurine, picture, or some sort of furry fabric to represent a donkey) - to remind us of the donkey Jesus rode to Jerusalem
Egg #2. coins (picture, real, or pretend) - to remind us of what little it took for Judas to betray Jesus
Egg #3. cup (tiny cup, piece of broken pottery, picture) - to remind us of the last supper
Egg #4. praying hands, flower or a twig - to remind us of Jesus praying in the garden
Egg #5. leather strip - to remind us of the torture Jesus endured at the end of a whip
Egg #6. thorn or crown of thorns - to remind us of the crown of thorns which was placed mockingly upon Jesus' head
Egg #7. nails or a cross - to remind us that Jesus, and thus our sin, was nailed to the cross
Egg #8. dice - to remind us of the humiliation Jesus endured as soldiers gambled for his robe
Egg #9. spear - to remind us of the soldier piercing Jesus' side with a spear after he died
Egg #10. a piece of white cloth - to remind us of the linen shroud Joseph wrapped Jesus' body in before placing him in the tomb
Egg #11. a rock - to remind us of the large boulder which was placed in front of the entrance to the tomb
Egg #12. empty - to remind us that he has risen!

You can also purchase sets of resurrection eggs already filled with these objects (amazon, christianbook.com, etc.).  If your kids are too young to use all 12 eggs, I found an example on Pinterest using only 6 eggs for the younger crowd!
- Katrina K.

Lost Jesus?

 

Today we will take a journey and get an intimate look at the relationship between a mom and son as we wrap up our study of the Gospel of John.  This isn't just any mom and son relationship but that of our Savior and his earthly mom.  Join us as we track some of their key moments right up to the cross and beyond with our lead pastor, Dan Deeble, leading the way. 

 

John 20
11 Now Mary stood outside the tomb crying. As she wept, she bent over to look into the tomb 12 and saw two angels in white, seated where Jesus’ body had been, one at the head and the other at the foot.  13 They asked her, “Woman, why are you crying?”
“They have taken my Lord away,” she said, “and I don’t know where they have put him.” 14 At this, she turned around and saw Jesus standing there, but she did not realize that it was Jesus.
 

15 He asked her, “Woman, why are you crying? Who is it you are looking for?”

Thinking he was the gardener, she said, “Sir, if you have carried him away, tell me where you have put him, and I will get him.”

16 Jesus said to her, “Mary.”

She turned toward him and cried out in Aramaic, “Rabboni!” (which means “Teacher”).
17 Jesus said, “Do not hold on to me, for I have not yet ascended to the Father. Go instead to my brothers and tell them, ‘I am ascending to my Father and your Father, to my God and your God.’”

18 Mary Magdalene went to the disciples with the news: “I have seen the Lord!” And she told them that he had said these things to her.

Discipleship is Personal At Its Core

Looking back at what we have learned about discipleship over the last few months, it can seem a bit overwhelming and maybe even intimidating.  We have thrown around phrases like "discipling movement" (from Heartland's Big Hairy Audacious Goal), "dying to self" (from Greg Ogden's book Discipleship Essentials), and "life-changing relationship" (also from the BHAG).

We have established that in Matthew 28:19 Jesus called us to, "go and make disciples of all nations." In our post Being a Disciple we learned the four things that we must consistently practice alongside one another in a discipling relationship: ABIDING in Jesus as our lead discipler, GROUNDING ourselves in the Bible as our main text, SHAPING our lives together through prayer, and COMMITTING to an accountable relationship.

We referred to Heartland's Core Values in our discussion of the level of authenticity we must have with one another to truly enter into a discipling relationship, focusing on the value of HONESTY with ourselves, one another, and God.  We also highlighted the need to focus on living our lives in a Christlike manner, imitating Jesus, since our actions speak louder than words.

With the authenticity of a discipling relationship, and the goal to form our actions to our intentions to live more like Jesus, comes the necessity to not only invite others into relationship with us, but to challenge them to hold up their end of an authentic relationship.

Frankly, all of this looks plain hard!  How can I disciple someone if I'm not done being discipled?  How can I show someone the character of a perfect God through my broken and flawed mortal life?  How can I issue a challenge to someone when constantly fall short?

Grace and God's provision, that's how.  He is not asking us to be perfect, we can't.  He is not asking us to have finished the race, we never will.  He is not asking us to work from a place of having everything figured out, we don't.  "Nothing is more powerful than when (we) consistently and intentionally COMBINE the gospel of Jesus with (our) own down-to-earth, imperfect, and authentic life," (BHAG FAQ's).  Discipleship is personal at its core, it is about two people being real with one another and holding each other accountable - or as we like to say around here, asking "What is God telling you, and what are you going to do about it?"

What is holding you back from truly becoming a disciple?

Easter Garden

Easter is fast approaching!  If you are looking for ways to involve your kids in the Easter story, here is one more option...an Easter Garden.  You can Google it or search on Pinterest for different methods or ideas, but the basic idea is to create the scene of the tomb where Jesus was laid to rest.

Basic components include a pan, tray, or plate as a base, soil, something to represent the tomb (a small terra-cotta pot laid on its side works well), rocks or other foliage, and either moss from outside or grass seed to plant in the dirt (hoping for a beautiful, green patch of new grass by Easter).  You can also use sticks to make crosses to represent the place of crucifixion and a large rock to cover the opening of the "tomb" until Easter morning.

Ann Voskamp has a wonderful example of the Grace Garden her family made.  She has such a wealth of experience and ideas - I just love her!

My goal this year is to make an Easter garden that we can enjoy year round by putting it into a terrarium.  Here is a simple tutorial video on how to make a terrarium.

The Essence of a Christ-Centered Life

Source: redrivermutual.com

Is the essence of who you are consistent with who God says you are?  God declares that we are each chosen, forgiven, and loved. Additionally, how do you live out the joy God describes in John 15:11?   

“These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may be in you, 

and that your joy may be full.”

 ~John 15:11

 

Join us today as one of our own from Mothers Together, Jena M, shares her insights and message that God has been building inside of her on these topics.  I would encourage you to allow Jesus to solidify his identity in you.  It is hard work to find your identity, claim it, believe it and live it out but the hard work is worth all the effort because once you have it, you will find peace, rest, and joy like you never have before.

We will take a deeper look at the scripture below to learn more about the essence of a life lived out in Christ

1 Simon Peter, a servant and apostle of Jesus Christ,  To those who through the righteousness of our God and Savior Jesus Christ have received a faith as precious as ours:
2 Grace and peace be yours in abundance through the knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.
Confirming One’s Calling and Election
3 His divine power has given us everything we need for a godly life through our knowledge of him who called us by his own glory and goodness. 4 Through these he has given us his very great and precious promises, so that through them you may participate in the divine nature, having escaped the corruption in the world caused by evil desires.
5 For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; 6 and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; 7 and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. 8 For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. 9 But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

~2 Peter 1:1-9 (NIV)

Click HERE for today's handout

Click HERE for today's discussion questions 

~Tara Gaz

Relationship in Adversity

Have you noticed a difference in the conversations happening recently?  Along with the tons of snow dumped on our area, tons of stories piled up also.  One young woman stayed with a friend and their family for 8 days because she couldn’t get through her neighborhood to get home.  A couple opened their home to surrounding neighbors, who had lost electricity, to warm up, refill a thermos of coffee, and charge cell phones.  Two little girls traveled door-to-door knocking to inquire if the residents would like them to build a snowman in their yard.  These select few stood out to me among the many stories, which arose from us loving our neighbors.  Repeatedly I heard of the neighbor receiving help or providing help in digging one another out of the snow.  Many neighborhoods experienced a revival in driveway conversations, children playing outdoors, and caring for the elderly among them.

My experience seems to fall in line with the majority of others.  Between my husband and my father-in-law, 7 + driveways were cleared at least twice with our heavy-duty snow blower, and who knows how many feet of sidewalk.  Since time seemed to slow under the shroud of snow outside, many kitchens warmed with the family’s favorite comfort foods like ours did.  For me each glorious snow day started with fresh baked cinnamon rolls, orange juice and coffee, with pj’s as the only acceptable indoor attire.

White fluffy snow not only collected, but it connected or in some cases reconnected.  The hearts of people, neighborhoods, and the city returned to be helpful, kind, caring, and grace-filled.  The shift demanded my attention.  I know it has demanded others’ as well.  I feel God asking me, and maybe all of us, what are we going to do to hang on to it?  What does that look like?  For me the answer includes walking across the street more often with baked goods in hand, inviting the neighborhood kids in to play with mine, and maybe it will include coordinating a service project where my friends, family, and neighbors can lock arms once again for a cause further outside ourselves than just resurfacing after a snowfall.
- Nanette H.