Those women; the
ones who speak confidence in the face of uncertainty, who reject dismay and
invite joy, who search for truth with humility, who seem content among crowds, and
who turn to Jesus before I can even turn over a thought. Twelve years ago I
wanted to be one of those women. I was a
new mom, a young mom, full of uncertainties and doubts; full of ideas and vision,
yet so short sighted, so inexperienced. When a friend invited me to attend a
“women’s Bible study” I only went because it was ironically and conveniently
located 100 feet from the front door of my quaint, second story condo.
I had my presumptions about what a group of women would
think of me…and I them. Inadequate is probably the best descriptive word for
how I felt in a group of women, followed closely by unworthy. Although the
meeting place may have only been 100 feet away, my heart was 1000 miles away
from believing I belonged in their group. It was for those women and others so perfectly on track to becoming one of those women. It wasn’t for the young,
first time mom who didn’t know how to handle her daughter being uncomfortable
and fussy in the provided childcare, it wasn’t for the woman who didn’t know
the books of the Bible or why they were not just in alphabetical or
chronological order (for real), or how to shower and have this coveted thing called “quiet time” (I had to learn a
whole language of Christian-ese), or how to sit in a room full of women and act
like I knew how to be one because losing your own mom to cancer at the age of
four and being raised by a dad who didn’t always respect women wasn’t exactly a
recipe for confident womanhood.
God knew I needed to make that 100-foot walk from my home to
the church’s front doors. They were baby steps of faith that I needed to take
to begin to trust Him and His ways. What I realized over time was that all those women were doing the same thing.
Their journeys were different than mine, but we were all desperately and
imperfectly seeking to believe Jesus and be more like Him. The traits I envied
in other women weren’t really them at all. It was Jesus in them that looked so appealing
to me. I just didn’t know it at first, but the more I got to know Jesus; who He
was, what He was about, and who He said I was, the more I saw His presence in
other people. The women who admitted that fact quickly usually became my
favorites because what He was doing in them just looked so, so good. Their humility, grace, holy confidence, and
loving ways challenged my fearful, self-righteous self without a word of blame
or shame. I truly wanted what they had, and they had faith in a Savior and King
who loved them and wanted to have a real relationship with them.
To all those women
out there (if you even think you might be one you probably are!) keep your hearts turned towards Jesus and know that while you are seeking
Him, God is sending a new generation to watch and learn how to be crazy enough
to have faith in the unseen, and live love and joy in a world of suffering. You
cannot know the ripple effects God sends out from a life of authentic
faith. Those women I looked to over a decade ago probably have no idea I
was watching. I'm guessing they had no idea God would
use the ripple effect of their faith to encourage me to point other women (my
three daughters included) to Jesus today.
John 20:30-31 Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.
Jena M.
