God Is Our Refuge

My life is awash in uncertainty and change these days.  We are counting down the days until we travel out of state for the birth of the baby boy we are hoping to adopt.  Adoption is a series of necessary steps toward finalization.  I hold my breath, waiting to exhale in small increments as each step is taken.  I will not fully relax until the last of my indrawn breath is pushed out hearing the judge declare the adoption final.  But, that isn't the end...adoption is a change that alters two families for life.

Our relationship with his birth mother has been blessed with hills and fraught with valleys.  She is also our youngest son's birth mother and we have been building a relationship with her for a year and a half.  We have had awesome interactions, heartfelt conversations, and epic miscommunications.  There have been break-throughs and disappointments.  We have learned that loving her and building what we hope is a life-long relationship with her take many intentional acts of love.  It hasn't been easy on any of us.  I know it will be a work in progress as long as we are connected.

Doubt and uncertainty are my constant companion.  Have we done enough to cultivate this relationship?  Will she be confident in her decision?  Will we be found capable by the social worker and judge?  Can we do this - five kids is a lot of kids!  Am I cut out for this?  Am I enough?

In the midst of these fears God gives me hope.  Psalm 46 says,

"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." (Psalm 46:1)  

He is where I can turn when doubts plague me.  His loving grace is my refuge.  He provides strength when I don't have it alone.

Through Him I can rejoice, even in times of stress and worry.  While in prison, Paul wrote to the church in Philippi encouraging them to rejoice.

"Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! Let your gentleness be evident to all.  The Lord is near. Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.  And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  (Philippians 4:4-7)

This passage is so rich!  The Lord is near - I can confidently rejoice ALWAYS.  No matter what I encounter, no matter how I feel, I have reason to rejoice in the Lord.  

However, with that cause for rejoicing comes responsibility on my part.  Paul urges us to "let (our) gentleness be evident to all."  I must take the strength I get from His nearness and allow it to resonate from me, exuding gentleness - even in the midst of fear, frustration, and doubt.  I have control of my actions and reactions and have been given strength by His nearness so show the world glimpses of His love through my gentle demeanor.

What can help me achieve that gentle demeanor?  Paul tells us right here: "...in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."  Prayer and petition are key actions on my part!  So often we get wrapped up in our struggles and forget the most basic part of our relationship with God - prayer.  

Last night, as a family we were watching the latest episode of A.D. - the show about the time after Jesus's death and resurrection.  A particular scene stood out to me.  The disciple Peter was talking with his daughter while the disciples were following Jesus's instructions to wait for the Holy Spirit to come upon them.  Peter's daughter simply asked him, "what would he (Jesus) do if he were here?"  Peter's face lit up as realization dawned on him and he answered, "he would pray."  He then excitedly woke the other disciples and they began to pray as a group - beginning with what we now know as the Lord's Prayer.  I realize this is a dramatization and we don't really know exactly what happened in those days other than what is written in the Bible, but it isn't much of a stretch to imagine that Paul's advice to the Philippians was based at least in part on his personal experience.  

For me another key phrase in that passage is, "with thanksgiving."  If I am always looking for things to be thankful for, I have found that my outlook is brighter and it is harder to dwell on my fears, frustrations, and doubts.  When I have eyes for His blessings, I see my troubles less.  When I am busy being thankful, I have no time to fear or feel sorry for myself.

What does Paul promise will happen when we shift our focus and go to God with our prayers and petitions?  "...the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."  God will imbue our hearts with peace that will guard both our hearts and minds.  If you are a visual person, another scene from A.D. may help you imagine this.  The disciples were standing in a circle praying fervently to the Lord when a column of fire came down from heaven, circled the house they were in, came in and circled the gathered disciples before entering each of them, filling them with the Holy Spirit.  It was then that the disciples were emboldened by the Holy Spirit and set out for the Temple preaching the Good News to all.  

Close your eyes and imagine the fire of the Holy Spirit entering you covering your heart and mind in a cloak of protection.  Now, how much easier does it seem to rejoice and let your gentleness be evident to all?  Do you need a reminder to take your worries to God in prayer and petition?

Katrina K.