I was on my way into church when I had this sinking feeling in my gut. “I really want this time to be ours,” my heart said to God while I sat in my car. And I had this feeling that I was going to encounter resistance. I’d been in a season where I found myself preoccupied with a broken relationship. I’d been trying to “be a big girl” and just “get over it,” but the enemy had been relentless in his efforts to use that tender spot and as gateway to drag me down.
I knew there was a strong chance I would encounter this spiritual attack again tonight. (Isn’t it always when we want to go deeper with God that the enemy ramps up his gameplan? We really should just come to expect it and not act so surprised when it happens!) But I can’t control whether or not a person crosses my path. I knew I couldn’t hide or avoid them. I just knew the enemy’s history of trying to back me into a corner and was therefore feeling a little on edge.
As I muttered these prayers to God from my heart and turned left into the parking lot, God whispered to me, “Think of it like the zip line, Meredith.”
The zip line. I developed a love/hate relationship with the zip line this past summer while in Colorado with the Heartland Women’s group. We strapped on harnesses, buckled ourselves into some strong ropes, and climbed up into the trees. We traversed thin wires like tightrope walkers, shaking and scared and pretending to be confident. We encouraged each other along the way. It’s a beautiful thing to see sisters face their fears and come out conquering.
But at the end of the high ropes course you have to get down. So you sit on a platform and wait for the signal and GO! Don’t get me wrong, I love the zip line! But that initial drop in your stomach is reminiscent of a roller coaster (I’m not a huge fan of those, either. I firmly believe your stomach is meant to stay below your throat!) For a millisecond you feel like you’re free falling. Then the harness and rope start to slide and the momentum is so exhilarating you can’t help but scream for sheer joy and you bullet down the mountainside. When you finish, you’re smiling from ear to ear, breathless, your heart pumping adrenaline through your veins. It’s awesome! It’s scary. It’s fun.
So God was telling me to remember that experience and carry it over here. It might be scary for an instant, but He had me harnessed in and I was safe to fly. I took a deep breath and ventured forth. Sure enough, the familiar feelings of doubt and shame started to bubble up as soon as I stepped foot in the door. But this time, I remembered the zip line. And suddenly, I was enjoying the freedom of Christ and not being paralyzed by the fear of the drop.
Bob Goff tells a story in his book Love Does about taking each of his kids on an adventure trip when they turned ten years old. I love his concluding words, “..they didn’t need all the details because they were on an adventure with a father who wanted to take them. You don’t need to know everything when you’re with someone you trust.” Every day God wants to take us on little adventures that grow us to be more like Christ and give Him the glory. He gives us opportunities to go deeper in relationships, to truly love others, to be authentic, to take steps of faith both big and small. He can be trusted. To paraphrase C. S. Lewis, He’s not safe, but He’s good.
I wonder where else God wants me to experience His adventure. Are there places that I’ve been too scared to go because I’ve been looking at the drop and not the rope holding me securely to the line? Am I missing out on the exhilarating joy because I’m too afraid to jump? Are you? His arms are outstretched and ready to catch you.
Meredith M.
