WHO I AM
I played “house” as a little girl.
I was always the mom and I would kindly persuade one of my younger
sisters to play the part of dad.
I made up names for myself. I carried a pretend driver’s license.
I wore my mom’s high heels and carried a purse with plastic keys and lip gloss inside.
I carried my baby dolls everywhere;
to the grocery, the shopping mall and on every single vacation.
My dolls and I were inseparable and I was a good little mommy.
Many years down the road, I sat in a hospital bed and pushed as my husband
counted to 10 and squeezed my hand. One last push and the doctor
lifted my beautiful baby into the air.
“It’s a boy!”
Unbelievable! I laughed, cried and celebrated the miracle that just happened
right before my eyes.That moment was better than I ever imagined and
I could hardly wait to get home and “play house”…
for real.
I soon realized being a mom wasn’t anything like “playing house”.
Nothing looked the way I had imagined, especially me. I certainly wasn’t prancing
around in cute high heels and driving around town to the grocery and
shopping malls to show off my new baby.
I looked more like a frizzy haired crazy lady, unbathed, undone, still in her robe,
holding a baby to her breast, still looking 6 months pregnant,
surrounded by piles of laundry and an unruly house.
A few things contributed to my craziness. First, I had a great deal of physical healing to do. I will spare you the details. My husband had to work long hours because he had recently started his own business. I had trouble nursing. But what really pushed me over the edge was this; it was still winter and we were advised to stay home for 6 weeks because our sweet baby had been born early and it was RSV season. Uggh.
I had a lot of expectations of who I would be as a stay-at-home mom.
Under these conditions, I was not living up to them. The harder I tried, the more I failed.
The more I failed, the more I cried. The more I cried, the more I forgot who I was.
I needed help.
I picked up my Bible and started reading. I found verses that spoke to me.
I wrote them down on little tiny cards and flipped through them throughout my day.
I clung to them desperately.
They were like food and water for my soul.
God began teaching me who I was and who I was not.
I was a beautiful reflection of my Creator,
and I was designed to experience His love.
I began resting in it, craving it and basking in it.
My time with Him, through prayer and reading, nourished my soul.
He gave me new vision, to see myself the way He does;
with grace, patience, kindness, forgiveness and unconditional love.
He put rest in my restless heart
and gave me a new "to-do" list,
To seek the Lord and love Him,
to love myself and to love my neighbor
(daddy and baby)
I accepted my new mission
and soon began to give myself grace in all the other details of my day.
I was no longer defined by the size of my laundry pile, the cleanliness of my house or the extra tummy hanging over my jeans. I was no longer defined by my failures,
the dark circles under my eyes or even the wildness of my undone hair,
thank goodness.
God is still making me new each day...
and filling me with a new love; for myself, for my family and for the people around me.
How do you define yourself?
It is easy to allow the world to define us…by our homes, their size, their style, our exercise program, our wardrobe, our dress size, our hobbies and talents, our college degrees or lack thereof. The list goes on and on. At least it does for me. So I have to cling to the words of God and He is always faithful to tell me…
He will make me sparkle like jewels in a crown.
Zechariah 9:16-17
He has given me a new self, renewing me daily to reflect His image.
Colossians 3:10
He lives in me.
I Corinthians 3:16
He has given me gifts, unique to me.
I Corinthians 12
I played “house” as a little girl.
I was always the mom and I would kindly persuade one of my younger
sisters to play the part of dad.
I made up names for myself. I carried a pretend driver’s license.
I wore my mom’s high heels and carried a purse with plastic keys and lip gloss inside.
I carried my baby dolls everywhere;
to the grocery, the shopping mall and on every single vacation.
My dolls and I were inseparable and I was a good little mommy.
Many years down the road, I sat in a hospital bed and pushed as my husband
counted to 10 and squeezed my hand. One last push and the doctor
lifted my beautiful baby into the air.
“It’s a boy!”
Unbelievable! I laughed, cried and celebrated the miracle that just happened
right before my eyes.That moment was better than I ever imagined and
I could hardly wait to get home and “play house”…
for real.
I soon realized being a mom wasn’t anything like “playing house”.
Nothing looked the way I had imagined, especially me. I certainly wasn’t prancing
around in cute high heels and driving around town to the grocery and
shopping malls to show off my new baby.
I looked more like a frizzy haired crazy lady, unbathed, undone, still in her robe,
holding a baby to her breast, still looking 6 months pregnant,
surrounded by piles of laundry and an unruly house.
A few things contributed to my craziness. First, I had a great deal of physical healing to do. I will spare you the details. My husband had to work long hours because he had recently started his own business. I had trouble nursing. But what really pushed me over the edge was this; it was still winter and we were advised to stay home for 6 weeks because our sweet baby had been born early and it was RSV season. Uggh.
I had a lot of expectations of who I would be as a stay-at-home mom.
Under these conditions, I was not living up to them. The harder I tried, the more I failed.
The more I failed, the more I cried. The more I cried, the more I forgot who I was.
I needed help.
I picked up my Bible and started reading. I found verses that spoke to me.
I wrote them down on little tiny cards and flipped through them throughout my day.
I clung to them desperately.
They were like food and water for my soul.
God began teaching me who I was and who I was not.
I was a beautiful reflection of my Creator,
and I was designed to experience His love.
I began resting in it, craving it and basking in it.
My time with Him, through prayer and reading, nourished my soul.
He gave me new vision, to see myself the way He does;
with grace, patience, kindness, forgiveness and unconditional love.
He put rest in my restless heart
and gave me a new "to-do" list,
To seek the Lord and love Him,
to love myself and to love my neighbor
(daddy and baby)
I accepted my new mission
and soon began to give myself grace in all the other details of my day.
I was no longer defined by the size of my laundry pile, the cleanliness of my house or the extra tummy hanging over my jeans. I was no longer defined by my failures,
the dark circles under my eyes or even the wildness of my undone hair,
thank goodness.
God is still making me new each day...
and filling me with a new love; for myself, for my family and for the people around me.
How do you define yourself?
It is easy to allow the world to define us…by our homes, their size, their style, our exercise program, our wardrobe, our dress size, our hobbies and talents, our college degrees or lack thereof. The list goes on and on. At least it does for me. So I have to cling to the words of God and He is always faithful to tell me…
He will make me sparkle like jewels in a crown.
Zechariah 9:16-17
He has given me a new self, renewing me daily to reflect His image.
Colossians 3:10
He lives in me.
I Corinthians 3:16
He has given me gifts, unique to me.
I Corinthians 12
He loves me, not because of anything I do, but because I belong to him
Ephesians 2:4,8
Ephesians 3:16-21
May you begin to seek the Lord for your identity. Ask Him who you are.
He has been waiting to tell you.
Ephesians 2:4,8
Ephesians 3:16-21
May you begin to seek the Lord for your identity. Ask Him who you are.
He has been waiting to tell you.
~written by Rachel McKenna
