My Refuge, My Strength

     Does it ever feel like the trials in your life are going to crush you? Events that make you want to run away from everyone and everything; to hide among a crowd where you are unknown, or find isolation where no one can see your pain and you can cry your heart out. That was me yesterday, last week, last month and even last fall. All of a sudden I found my life, which seemed in line and on track in God’s will, crumbling before me. The death of my grandmother in November, the rock, and matriarch of my family ripped apart my heart. In witnessing her struggle to trust God in her death, clinging to every last breath, I also found myself in my own battle with trust. A battle to trust God is in control. A battle to trust God loves me and is good. A battle to trust God to redeem and heal my heart. Trusting God is my beautiful fight. Through the last few months, I have wanted to retreat from everything; from my family, from leading within church, from friends, from any sort of focus on anything outside of myself, my needs, my dreams and goals, my pain. Then yesterday while leading other women in their journey to trust God, He demonstrated His love for me by allowing me to truly experience how to trust Him, depend on Him and seek refuge in His arms.

     It’s not like God just told me what to do, I am learning He is a teacher of experience. His gentle hand was guiding me the whole way with challenges He knew I could and would lean into after I got over my own self and my own pride and my own sinful temptation to seek comfort and others’ approval. What I wanted to do was run, pack my bags and go. Check out. Seek refuge in my own home, with my own children and husband where I feel absolutely safe to be me. But I ended up in a public restroom. Sitting in a stall trying to muster up my own strength and gather my emotions and broken pieces that had shattered to the floor. Fighting the urge to run. I felt so weak. God reminded me of Psalm 91 which I actually read and processed in my journal that morning. When I read this Psalm just hours before my bathroom retreat and noticed all of the specific nouns describing God like “refuge” and “fortress”. I noticed all the action ascribed to God like “rescue” and “protect”. Glowering, I reread my part, the steps God was calling me to words like “trust” and “call” on God. Then I rewrote the psalm replacing all the pronouns to place myself as the author, not David, that had written the Psalm. At this point, I am in battle, distrusting that this Psalm is even for me. God knew what He was doing though as He spoke so tenderly to my heart through His word. He had already gone before me, preparing the way for me to walk in His light later in the day. To trust Him. To bring glory to His name.

“Because you love me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue you; I will protect you, for you acknowledge my name. You will call on me, and I will answer you.” Psalm 91:14-15 (emphasis mine)

     Tears fell to the tile floor in the bathroom.  I was resistant to carrying out what I had been called to, unsure how to follow His lead when I felt so weak. I didn’t want my weakness exposed in fear of what others might think. God reminded me of 2 Corinthians 12:9 (and confirmed it through more than one person that morning), “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” So I gathered myself together with a little bit of confidence, not in myself, but in my God, and walked out of the bathroom, obediently stepping into what He has called me to do. Of course, I didn’t step out of the bathroom onto cloud 9, filled with joy, peace, and happiness. Oh no, I continued to cry, but instead of packing my bags and leaving, I pressed in. Pressed into the scripture placed on my heart.  Pressed into the hearts surrounding me desperate to also trust God. Pressed into what God had for me in these moments; that He is my refuge, my strength, in whom I trust. Glory to God in the Highest.

Blessings,

Tami Ingalls

Sent

A while back our women's ministry worked through The Armor of God study by Priscilla Shirer. During that time the Holy Spirit gave me these words to pray:


You haven't sent me out with            
a wand of wishful thinking,
a whip of anger,
a club of stubborn argument,
a pen of intellect,
a map of self-direction,
or a velvet rope of feminine persuasion.

But, you've equipped me with the Sword of Your Spirit through Your word--a sword that is able to lead me, empower me, and bring me home to You in victory.

Help me put down the weapons of my own making and take up Your powerful sword--the sword of a warrior fighting for Your interests. In Jesus' name, Amen


Blessings,
Sue Belshe

Word of the Year

Time

- a point of time as measured in hours and minutes past midnight or noon.
- plan, schedule or arrange when (something) should happen or be done.
- the system of those sequential relations that any event has to any other, past, present,  
   or future; indefinite and continuous duration regarded as that in which events
   succeed one another.

Last Fall when we were presented with the question at Women Unplugged, "What is one of the most meaningful gifts you've ever given or been given?", I didn't have an answer. As I left Heartland that morning, I was still pondering the question. As I did, I began to feel ungrateful. I have received many beautiful and meaningful gifts over the years; jewelry that was purchased with purpose and meaning, Mud Pie dishes that friends and family have given toward my dish collection "addiction", and lots of others. All very meaningful.

As the day went on, I realized, however, the most meaningful gift for me was and is TIME. My daughters know one thing I treasure is coffee or lunch out with friends. Time away from life's demands, just to talk, share, pray, over a good cup of coffee or meal.

Time with my Mom, who lives in Montana. Time with family and friends that still live in Montana. When I travel back, I make sure I contact everyone to set up a time to get together, just so we can have a little time to reconnect.

After our last class reunion, my girlfriends and I decided we needed to get together more often than every 10 years. We discussed the fact that we had lost several friends to cancer and other situations, and recognized time is priceless. We have since met every summer, rotating to each other's homes/cities, enjoying each other's company while we just be.

And after almost 30 years of marriage, time with my husband. We were great at doing date night before we had our girls. Once they were born, we dedicated every free moment to them. Having fought infertility, we were willing and ready to spend all of our time with these precious gifts. Date nights went away and really, time together went away.

Well, life passes by and they grow up. Along the way, life throws you unexpected trials that consume your every waking moment. Time is spent on your knees praying for your child to do well, to be successful as she moves away on her own. Time is spent praying your child will surrender, and be healed of the ugliness life has dealt her.

Time becomes spent in prayer, for your husband & his career, your marriage, your children and their life choices, for family, and for the beautiful friends God has placed in your life along the way.

And finally, time is spent again with my husband; date days and date nights. A real treasure getting to know each other again, spending that one on one time we knew so long ago. Time planning our trips to visit our oldest daughter in Dallas, travel to see family, and just travel.

Many gifts we hold in our hands, place on a shelf for display, or give away. But the gift of Time is one we can share and hold in our hearts forever.

May 2017 be a year where you allow yourself Time; time to be intentional, time to be restored, time to get to know your spouse again, time to pray, and time to get to know Your Heavenly Father more. After all, He is the giver of time.

With that, my word for 2017? "Time"

Blessings,

Chris Jones

Chris is a prayer warrior among our community. Her words feel like a prayer from her heart for all of us. 

If you're curious about or considering a word for the year of 2017, WU Coordinator Kristy Smith recommends reading this post by Margaret Feinberg with a FREE download to walk you through prayerful exercises and asking God what word He wants to awaken you to this year.

Better Pray Late Than Never

An emptied sleepless soul, I blink bleary-eyed into the blackness and stare at the dimmed numbers: 2:10 AM. I wonder when sleep will sooth the cinching in my back and soften the eyelids to rest finally. Coughs echo down from the upper floor and up from the lower floor. I lie on the couch sandwiched between 2 floors of coughing and long for solace to still my stirred-up, stressed-out mind.

I think about the white notecard on which I scrawled my stresses black ink. That was hours before the insomnia when peace and music seemed to fill me up full in the church service. I diagrammed my troubles in bubbles and lines like a giant spider web.

The clock blinks 3:26 AM. I want to go back to bed. The coughs are still coming from the family. A window creaks. I kick a blanket off and readjust the pillow.

The speaker said the stress map could turn into a prayer map. What an idea. I can't shake it, so  I try it for a while. All I can focus on is the words I saw on the whiteboard in the service. I imagine the worst of everything for everyone on the whiteboard and the spider web on my card. I don't trust an empty mind in the middle of the night. Now the map seems to press on me even more than the hot weight of the blankets on this living room couch.

I see myself as I stood stiffly when I felt I should have walked up to the front and asked for prayer. I felt the muscle twinge in my back as I looked to the people lining up. I wanted to pray too. Pride and unworthiness spoke louder in my head than the Holy Spirit. I crumbled inward and stayed stuck in the moment.

So I think of solutions at 3:40 AM, hopeful ones. Hopeful ones for myself and my screwed up back. I google symptoms, remedies, clinics. I find a great one in Maine that does phone consultations for $300 an hour. Awesome. I shut off the phone.

More hacking coughs, but tapering, like popcorn in the microwave after two or three minutes. Maybe I should eat a snack. I drink a glass of water instead at the dark sink. I don't see the moon but it's reflection on the snow satiates me better than the drink. All blue and still.

I creep across the floor, careful not to squeak the floorboards under my socks. I lie down again. What if each thought and sound keeping me up, waking me here were not a barrier but a call to prayer? The twinge of back pain was a beacon of sorts, to call out to the One who is the ultimate resting place. So I do. I call out. Softly under my breath. One word after another. Peace. Rest. Names. Tasks. Days. Projects. Deep things. Small things. Big things.

I may have missed a chance to be prayed for, but I am awake now and I can pray for myself and others.

I can beat myself up for not listening to God's voice but a spinning mind only halts when we stop the spokes and listen.

Then one last hacking cough reverberates from below me. Silence. Minutes later, the house creaks into a good night settling.

I sneak back up to bed. I put my head on the pillow and listen to the One who whispers kindness and comfort and cares no matter the hour I turn my heart toward Him.

Every black-inked word turns requests and mortal reaching into a place of release and rest.

Let go the gripping, the cringing, the stressing because sleep comes, after the coughs settle, and it's sweeter, so much sweeter because I hear His voice instead of mine.

- Christina H.

Praying Hard

I’ve never been very good at the discipline of prayer. Let me clarify -- I’ve never thought I was very good at what I *thought* an “effective” prayer life should look like. About a year ago, I found myself in the middle of a situation I couldn’t quite comprehend and it felt pretty earth-shattering.  In all honesty, the circumstance itself probably wasn’t all that dramatic, but I had just been in a spiritual season of spring -- new things growing in me, new hope springing up, deepening faith.  Going from that beautiful amazing place and taking a sharp turn into something that felt dark and confusing made me dizzy.

I found myself on my knees, quite literally, several times a day. I was desperate for an answer from God. I claimed His promises, I prayed scripture, I laid my heart and hands open before Him. I prayed a lot. I prayed hard. I committed to beginning and ending each day on my knees before the Lord. I did that for several months and, as of right now, no visible answer to that situation has come.

Somewhere along the line, I stopped going to my knees as often. After a while of not hearing or seeing a “direct” answer from God, I guess I got bored or thought it best to “move on.”  Prayer can be a tedious business.  Maybe that’s why I tend to give up so easily. I’ve been saturated by the instant-gratification mentality of our culture.  Prayer is very rarely about instant gratification.  

For the past few weeks we have been talking on Sunday mornings about the “agonizing, utterly contemptible, blessedly redeemable act of waiting.”  I think waiting and prayer go hand-in-hand in the Kingdom.  We’re really always waiting on something from God, and He invites us to be active in the waiting through the discipline of prayer. Whether we are waiting for healing, restoration, a clear path, or a word from Him, God instructs us to pray always (1 Thessalonians 5:17).

On the first week of the series, Dan encouraged us to take whatever we were waiting for and change our prayers to ask for more of the Holy Spirit and the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23)  I can tell you that even though no “answer” came from that intense season of on-my-knees prayer, God met me in ways I never would have imagined.  Even though I didn’t see God answering me in the way I was hoping, my prayers started to change. I began to approach God differently. He met me there on my knees and whispered to my heart, “I see you. I hear you. I love you. I’m going to give you something so much better than what you ask for. I give you Myself.” And that’s exactly what He did.  He spoke identity to me in those moments.  

He taught me the value of contending on behalf of others, whether or not they ever know someone is praying for them.  He taught me to come empty handed before Him and wait with expectation and hope.  

And now I find myself still waiting on a lot of things, but the desperation factor has lessened. Sure, I’m waiting on God, but I’m not praying about those things as often. Why is it that it often takes the dire situations to bring us to the feet of the Father?  So I am praying that God will stir my heart to passionate prayer for the things He cares about and for His kingdom. And I’m praying for strength and discipline to not “give up” on my prayers when I don’t see the answer right away. In his book The Circle Maker, Mark Batterson talks about how God instructed the Israelites to march around Jericho seven times and blow their trumpets before the walls would come down. Batterson wonders, “What if the Israelites had stopped circling on the sixth day?” and he concludes that they would have forfeited the miracle God had waiting just around the corner for them.

Prayer is a mysterious thing, and so is waiting on God. There are prayers that in His divine wisdom, God chooses not to answer in the way we expect. But He always hears us and always gives Himself if we will just ask. And He is always better than whatever it is we are waiting and praying for.

What is it that you are waiting for?  Do you need to “draw a circle around it” in prayer again? How is God changing you through the waiting? Thank Him for those things and keep on asking for more of Him.

Meredith M.

How To Live Prayer

I resisted because it made me feel a little crazy; praying in the rain at 6 a.m. on your knees is like that. It’s not a matter of not liking early morning. I am proud.

I pray to God---my life a prayer---and wait for what He'll say and do. My life's on the line before God, my Lord, waiting and watching til morning, waiting and watching til morning. Psalm 130:5-6 (MSG)

I look down at the wet wood under my robed knees. Planks needing paint, patterned and scratched, scraped. Yes, I kneel on the back porch. Surrendering my cozy couch comfort and my idea of the best way to hear from God. Get your toes wet.

God talks to me, in my head---it feels audible. He pushes me past the french door stainless steel handle, out onto the plastic pronged mat that stabs my feet. I bend my knees down and rearrange my robe. A quick check to ensure neighbors are not watching. Thank you God for the leafy hedge.

That day I prayed in posture. Sometimes I pray in black ink, maybe a morning dim whisper.

To make your life a prayer, you must hear it, see it, say it, do it. BE IT.

As Anne Lamott titled her book with three small prayer words, Help, Thanks, Wow, maybe a word is all you have. Exhaling frailty starts as a seed in your soul.

Prayer seems daunting. Where to start. I forget to start. If I start, I might never end!

Pray small. Pray questions. Pray answers. Show up early. Show up late. I bring Him hard stuff, easy stuff, stuff I don't want. Bit by bit, a giving over, dependence, the sky itself is lifting into morning. The rough night fades, sometimes a whole lifetime of rough nights fade too.

I am full of expectation in this space between dark and light.

- Christina H.

Covenant Prayer

The Wesleyan Covenant Prayer

Last week, our family meandered the trails behind Deanna Rose Farmstead to visit the mysterious fairy houses sprouting up among the trees. To the east of Switzer, a fairy house boasts a mailbox where kids leave messages that the fairy, R.T., dutifully answers back. To the west of Switzer are two more fairy homes. When we explored the second to the west (just past the bridge and behind the golf course), we opened the tiny red door to discover a basket inside with the fairy's favorite prayer on an emerald green card. It just happened to be my favorite prayer too, and the one I say everyday. The kids were delighted as together we knelt down mid-walk, and read these words aloud:

I am no longer my own, but thine

Put me to what thou wilt

Rank me with whom thou wilt

Put me to doing; put me to suffering

Let me be employed by thee, or laid aside for thee

Exalted for thee, or brought low for thee

Let me be full, let me be empty

Let me have all things, let me have nothing

I freely and heartily yield all things to thy pleasure and disposal

And now, O glorious and blessed God

Father, Son and Holy Spirit

Thou art mine, and I am thine

So be it

And the covenant which I have made on earth

Let it be ratified in heaven. Amen.

I should have guessed that this mysterious sprite bringing such joy and wonder to the children of Overland Park loved our God, too.

-Wendy Connelly

Walking Prayer

Photo by hotblack from stock.xchng

¹⁸ Fix these words of mine in your hearts and minds; tie them as symbols on your hands and bind them on your foreheads. ¹⁹ Teach them to your children, talking about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up. 

Deuteronomy 11:18-19

The walk to school is short one.  We only live a block from our elementary school.  But over the years, I’ve come to realize that those five minutes with my boys can be a time that God can use in our lives.  I have those five minutes between the frantic morning route and releasing them into our neighborhood school to pray with them.

Pray and walk.  Talk and pray.  My prayers aren’t long and if you were watching us as we walk up the hill, you most likely wouldn’t even know that we were talking to our Heavenly Father.  We don’t bow our heads and we never stop moving forward.  However, God says in Deuteronomy ”to teach our children as we walk along the road”, so that is what we do.  And, now that I drive my middle schooler, we pray and drive too.  You can thank me later for not bowing my head or closing my eyes.  We just talk to God and invite him into our day.

Here is what I pray:

Father, be with us today.  Help us to love those around us as You love us.  Build into us the fruit of your Spirit:  love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness and self control.  Be with the teachers and principal and help them do their best.  Use us today to be your hands and feet in this world.

This leads to other conversations too. I find that by quieting our hearts in the morning, the boys open up their thoughts to me so that I can pray for them and continue to raise them into the young men that God designed them to be. 

So together we walk: God, the boys and me.

- Liz S.