Step Into Grace

Sometimes you just have to restart. This blog post, for example, has been started three times. The other two started fine, but I had so much I wanted to include in the first, I feared I might never finish it. The second started strong then fell flat.  I think it’s kinda like computers. You know, when you start getting error messages or it freezes? You call the help desk and the first thing they ask is  “have you restarted it?”

And how many things have I started just to have something (life?) come along and knock me off course? Sometimes it feels too overwhelming to right the cart and get back on track. There are certain times that feel easier to start or restart something. The new year, when the kids go back to school, next month, Monday, maybe even tomorrow.

Oh and the plan!! I can make a plan like no other! Researching is probably one of my favorite past times.  I just like to learn. Armed with information, how do I not go all out? I’ll read the whole Bible through this year. I’ll follow this perfect home cleaning schedule. NO MORE FAST FOOD! No more yelling at the kids.

I’ve shared this with enough of my girlfriends to know I’m not alone in this. We have the best of intentions. We want to grow and do better. It’s easy to get discouraged by all of the “failed” attempts piled up in our past. It’s easy to forget about grace.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.”

-Lamentations 3:22-23

It can be difficult to accept and step into grace. I’ve found it’s much easier to dance into it. No joke! A sweet friend performed a dance to the song below and it truly inspired me to do the same. So I went home and I *started* practicing accepting grace through dancing to this song.

Now, my plan of practicing this has long since been interrupted, but one day when things were just going down hill and I found myself wishing I could restart the day, the Spirit reminded me of this. I was in the bathroom with my youngest son and it was ugly. We were both a mess. Frustrated, sad, and maybe even a little angry with one another, I grabbed my phone turned one of his favorite songs on and we danced.  Even though it wasn’t the beautiful voice of Christy Nockels singing about the grace of Jesus pouring over us, it did.

We didn’t get to restart, but we were blessed by the reset of our day. In that moment outside of our situation, we both gave and received grace.

Nanette H.

Joy is Connection

We seek joy. More than anything, we crave this feeling – this state of being – this joy that God says is ours and our soul longs for.

But as we look around us and others – we do not always see joy. We can’t always find it when we need it and we are not really sure what it is we are searching for. We’ve been told it is not happiness – that happiness is more of a fleeting feeling – an in the moment kind of reaction to something good. We’ve been told it’s not money or possessions or anything we can buy. So, I found myself wondering what is joy?

In an article by Dale Fletcher of Faith and Health Connection, he writes, “living a life that is in line with God’s principles that are written about in the Bible can not only bring a life of happiness but of joy and a sense that life is worth living…That’s how God designed us. And that’s why God inspired the writers of the Bible to give us the truth that can be found there.”

Psalm 16:11 (ESV) You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

It seemed to me, if God gave us the principles on how to live in joy, a lot of us had to be missing something in the Bible since we weren’t experiencing joy. Maybe it’s a cultural error. The subjects of loneliness, fewer family connections, and disconnection despite many online connections are popular themes among articles I read. Then I started hearing about discipleship at Heartland and talks on themes such as living life together and creating family – and I was intrigued.

In Ghost Boy, Martin Pistorius wrote “… I wondered if it was possible to get so used to joy that you stopped noticing it?”

Maybe we do stop noticing all the joy around us – maybe we stop noticing all the people around us too. In Jennifer Senior’s book All Joy and No Fun, she wrote about George Vaillant, a psychiatrist who took on the Grant Study in 1939 and has followed the same group of Harvard sophomores, collecting data about every aspect of their lives and deaths. She wrote of Valliant’s observations: “Joy is connection” and joy is “almost impossible to experience alone” and “joy is grief inside out”.

That made sense to me. Living life together makes sense and joy is connection; connection to God and connection to each other. Our “In” crowd, our group, our family, our friends, our intimate relationships, our relationship with Jesus, maybe our Women Unplugged Table…our “in’s” are joy. We were made for a deep fellowship and connection with other people as well as with God to satisfy our soul cravings. We share our hopes, fears, thoughts, failures, and dreams with those we feel a connection deep enough to be vulnerable with our hearts. We only get our craving for joy filled when we experience those kind of relationships and ongoing connections.

A brief moment of connection with a stranger or acquaintance doesn’t fill the imprint God left on our hearts. We need a soul connection with God and others. We need to share intimate details of ourselves with Him and with people we love that we have continued connections with in our lives.

Unfortunately – mourning and joy are intertwined. We can’t actually experience the joy connections without risking – and experiencing – mourning and loss. We raise kids for that joy connection – even though we know we will lose them – because they grow up, move away, or we lose them through tragedy. But we do it anyway because it’s a joy connection worth the cost. We love others because it’s worth the cost. We may lose our spouses, friends, or family, but we choose to make joy connections because it’s worth the cost of mourning them when the connection is over. We marry because no matter how it ends, it’s worth the risk and the memories and the cost – it’s worth the joy connection through the years, we hope. We make friends even though people change and people move and people hurt us. But it’s worth the joy connections. Jesus’ friend Judas betrayed him in the end, but he made the connection anyway. He knew who would betray him. We do not. But we connect anyway.

Vulnerability and courage are hard to muster in a world where hurting people hurt hurting people. Our core beings are damaged by failures, fears, rejection, and grief. To expose our wounds, oozing and raw, to other people takes trust built over time and consistent relationship. We are unable to heal alone but not safe enough to ask for help or share our being– having been hurt, rejected, judged, condemned, feeling worthless and without value. We have experienced the opposite of grace, love, and mercy. The opposite of God’s love. The opposite of Jesus hanging on a cross for his friends. The opposite of support, empathy, and encouragement. The opposite of what we need to heal.

Every human being needs encouragement, love, and support to flourish and to heal and to believe the truth in God’s word – to believe we have worth, a calling, a purpose, and value. We need those kind of people to connect with in life to experience joy. Safe people we love, who love us. Every person we love isn’t going to be the kind of person we are able to connect to on that level and be vulnerable enough to share our deepest selves and find that kind of joy connection. Jesus found twelve joy connections. Then out of the twelve disciples, three whom he had intimate soul connections.

It’s a paradox to learn that what we crave most are things we cannot hold onto in this life. We will always be learning to let go, waiting for heaven, and maintaining, making, and losing joy connections. It’s comforting to know we can never lose God, our greatest joy connection. When we lose others or are betrayed, he stands firm and keeps us steady. Psalms 62:6 He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.

He holds onto us and sustains us even when we cannot hold onto him. He is our rock we stay connected to so our human relationships cannot sink us. Jesus had a Judas and we will too, but he also had eleven solid friends who stood by his side through the joy and through the pain.

We read the Bible, listen to God’s voice, and pray because we cannot live in joy without our connection to Him. God created us to connect to him and then to each other. Joy is connection and connection was made to be shared between God and others. You’ve heard of the triangle? Up, In, and Out. Connection “Up” to God and “In” with other Christ-followers – these are our joy connections – and “Out” is our mission from Jesus – to show lost people Jesus by our actions and our words.

We sometimes find ourselves missing our “In”. In’s can be hard to find – scary too. Most of us have been deeply hurt by our “In”s – who may or may not be Christ-followers. To put yourself out there and try again, is hard. It costs. And when you find a joy connection, it means you most certainly will face loss again. But joy is worth the cost. Living this life without joy…hurts. It’s lonely. God doesn’t want that for us. He calls us to good things.

Proverbs 17:22 (ESV) A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Psalm 126:5 (ESV) Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!

What stops us from wanting to connect with others besides the possibility of being hurt? Connection costs time, energy, loss of freedom, and obligates us to the people we connect with if we want to continue our connection.

In the book All Joy and No Fun, Jennifer Senior quotes Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi “freedom in our culture has evolved to mean freedom from obligations. But what on earth does that freedom even mean if we don’t have something to give it up for?” In our personal lives, Csikszentmihalyi writes, rules can liberate us even as they bind: “One is freed of the constant pressure of trying to maximize emotional returns.”

Interesting. The Bible agrees. Once we surrender to Christ – we are free. We surrender to his ways of doing things. He of course knows exactly how we’re made and tells us to follow certain principles to ensure we will find joy and peace and everything else we crave. He knows we will only find joy giving ourselves to a higher purpose, being generous, being connected, and truly showing love. So he tells us to do those things. God says we have to “do” not just feel. The psychology field has found the same thing. We actually have to get outside of ourselves and do things we feel good about for others – thinking about them isn’t enough. Doing costs.

If we find ourselves too busy for God or people, we find ourselves too busy for joy. I admit I have found myself too busy for joy – too busy for connection. But priorities can change. Maybe connection with God and others is a priority worth changing in our lives since it is essentially the only reason for living…

Pride. Ugh pride hurts. It also keeps us from connecting with others. Pride either leads us to judgment or insecurity. Comparing ourselves to each other is wrong and it hurts. For connection with each other we need loads of grace and forgiveness. We are each just too imperfect – too human – not to need heaps of it from other people and to give heaps of it away. Joy connections are worth the cost.

Connecting changes people. Joy change peoples. People notice joy because people crave joy. Joy is one of those things that changes people who change churches who change the world.

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. -Khalil Gibran

Do you have joy connections? What is holding you back?

- Tara Godard

References

Senior, Jennifer (2014-01-28). All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood. Kindle Edition.

Pistorius, Martin (2013-11-12). Ghost Boy: The Miraculous Escape of a Misdiagnosed Boy Trapped Inside His Own Body. Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

Fletcher, D. (Sept. 2, 2008) Joy, Wellbeing & Health – Weekly Faith & Health Scripture – Psalm 119:2: Faith and Health Connection.  http://www.faithandhealthconnection.org/faith-health-scripture-joy-wellbeing-health-psalm-1192/

We Are Meant for Relationship

As I sat down to begin this post, I honestly had no idea what I wanted to talk about. I had no clear vision of what I was meant to share with you this week. Some of the ideas that I came up with over the past few days seemed forced or inauthentic. Some seemed too broad, while others seemed too specific. 

It was quite the conundrum.

But of course, because this is God’s message and not mine, I had to get out of His way. 

I ended up walking away from my brainstorming session for a bit. At least until I got my head on straight and opened my ears wide enough to hear what He was telling me. 

Relationships. 

That’s what I’m meant to write about this week. 

And not just the romantic kind. 

I’m talking storge (affection), philos (friendship), and agape (charity). The three forms of love that, quite frankly, are the most difficult for many people to engage in properly. And without storge and philos, I find it next to impossible to even get the romantic relationship right. But that’s another story…

Personally speaking, I’ve always struggled with maintaining consistent and strong relationships with people. It takes more work than one would imagine. 

I’m an introvert, I’m a natural solo being. I am someone who thrives for extended periods of time alone. I’ve done so for many years. And I’ve rarely had the desire or the need to change that. When I need to have a “people fix”, I go to ONE person, have my 30-minute sit down, then go back to my cave. It’s kind of a selfish process, to be honest.

When I serve at Heartland, I typically spend the entire Saturday before alone and in my own space. Because I know that my tolerance level for social interaction will be depleted by that Sunday evening. 

Now, there’s nothing wrong with being an introvert. I don’t think being a person who enjoys solitude is a bad thing. But being a person who enjoys solitude to the point that it becomes a crutch, thus not allowing God’s full creation plan for us to take place, is a bad thing.

You see, God never intended for us to be alone. He never intended for us to walk this life by ourselves. In fact, it’s impossible to do. He made it so. Right from the very beginning, He planned on community, he planned on relationship, He planned on connection — not just with Him but with others like us. With humankind.

“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him’.” (Genesis 2:18 NLT)

With the making of heaven and earth, land and sea, plants and animals, God created Adam and his companion, Eve. One of the VERY first creations that graced this earth was relationship amongst man.

He created us in His likeness. So that we could not only get to know Him through His plans for us, individually; but also so that we can know Him through interacting with others, who are also made in His image. Because we are each so different, every encounter we have with a person is never the same as the one we’ve had before and won’t be the same as the one we have after. Each relationship is like a fingerprint. No one is the same.

“When God said it wasn’t good for the man to be alone, he wasn’t speaking just about marriage. Genesis 1 and 2 are passages about God’s vision for humanity. God created woman to come alongside the man in this battle of life. She watches his back, he watches her. They’re in this battle together.” (Carolyn Custis James)

It amazes me how easy it is for me to forget that I am not meant to walk alone. I need my family, I need my friends, I need the people that I meet on the street, I need the gentle smiles that I receive from clerks at the supermarket. Those are all God moments that should continuously remind me that He is working. He is constant. He is moving. He is present. But I become so focused on removing myself from the chaos, from the noise and from the confusion that His plan is lost.

Of the 7.1 billion people that inhabit this earth, each one of us has God in us. Each one of us is part of this thing called the Body of Christ. By definition, the body cannot fully function without all of its parts. Functioning requires community, and community requires relationship.

“It is not good for the man to be alone.” (Genesis 2:18)

We are not meant for lives of complete solitude. Human beings are social creatures. He made us that way. It’s honestly one of His greatest gifts to us. And I need to remember to express my thanks for such a gift — by loving and fostering my relationships.

- Christina Marie

When You Can't Shake One More Hand or Lift Your Head, Drink This

Dry as driftwood in a sea of people, she wraps her hands around the coffee to warm, the hour's chosen, unresponding friend. The lobby hums like a hive, people's conversations and footsteps sounding a rhythm. "Hello's," "how are you's" reverberating against glass walls, concrete floors. At a teetering table, she chews a Cliff bar methodically as she wishes time and herself away. A small-lipped smile quivers at her mouth's edges when someone passes. Anyone.

To get there, he had to pass through Samaria. He came into Sychar, a Samaritan village that bordered the field Jacob had given his son Joseph. Jacob’s well was still there. Jesus, worn out by the trip, sat down at the well. It was noon...

The coffee cools and she cries silently. Emptiness pressurizes her like a leaky garden hose, ebbing the grief in clear plops, straight and salty into the cup. She might unhinge the faucet itself, right there in the church lobby. She has been singing praises to God with little kids, but she can't, won't do it again. 

How can you give high fives and wave your hands in praise when your soul is bone dry? How can you give when you are needing so much yourself? A kind word, a touch, more than a handful of moments of someone, anyone seeing your pain, your hurt, your need to be known and understood. Engaged.

She is grieving and she knows it finally, for everything that is just out of reach, her many years of friendships, of people asking questions, interested always, and challenging. She moved away from home. Now she is the new person, the outsider. She looks up and sees other people, standing alone, some feeling ethnically or economically or spiritually or relationally less-than she guesses. On the fringe. Like her. Surrounded and alone.

...A woman, a Samaritan, came to draw water. Jesus said, “Would you give me a drink of water?” (His disciples had gone to the village to buy food for lunch.) The Samaritan woman, taken aback, asked, “How come you, a Jew, are asking me, a Samaritan woman, for a drink?” (Jews in those days wouldn’t be caught dead talking to Samaritans.)... 

She wants so badly to pick herself up out of her mess and give something away. She knows that could be the start. She is so empty she can't see how to say hello one more time or extend her hand again without someone really seeing her.

She retreats to the bookstore and hides for an hour, from her expectations of the world, from herself. Then the unsettling knowing comes: bitterness and anger sprouts from her selfish soul. She wants everyone to see her wounds and heal them, instead of the One who heals every heartache.

...Jesus answered, “If you knew the generosity of God and who I am, you would be asking me for a drink, and I would give you fresh, living water.” 

John 4:4-10 MSG

Someone says hello, someone she knows. We all want to know someone, if for nothing but to recognize a face in a crowd. She is snatched, startled out of her hole next to the Marriage books. She will see it as she tells us the story, even if blindness bathes her now: the drink-bearer, the caring coming in the name of Christ. They speak briefly. How are the kids and what did you do this weekend. Nothing really to the approaching friend, everything to her.

Because when you are a deck of cards folding in on yourself, you cannot see past your pain until someone else picks up the deck and holds you, unfolds you.

When she finally exits the bookstore, to move on and be in the world again, she sees the fringe people who had stood alone, every single one of them. She sees them as they are, as we are all meant to be. The shining smile of a tall lanky man opens wide and laughs bright and throws his head back like a Mentos commercial. It is enough to carry her back into the fray of kids and hand motions and words she can't remember.

Join me in finding the fringe people, the lonely, the breaking. We serve in a vast sea of people, so many hungry for One. Remember how He brought you into the light. Bolster your confidence, because it is not about them, or us. The pressure is off, I promise. It is about Him. Only Him. The Healer, the Provider. Abba. Father. Linger and look them in the eye. Hello is just code for "I am thirsty too."

- Christina M.

Being a Bridge

by Stephanie Morrill

Several Sundays ago, when Isaac Anderson stood on the Heartland stage and talked about first lines in literature, I felt sure God would have something special for me in the sermon. Much of my life—childhood, adolescence, and adulthood—has been about stories. I tell stories for a living, and I also work with teens who love to write and help teach them to tell better stories.

But while I hung on every word of Isaac's sermon, at first I wasn't listening with my spiritual ears so much as my writer ears. I was thinking through the first lines in some of my books. Have I done a good job putting the story in the first line? I could maybe write a blog post about that. I wonder where Isaac teaches and if his class is full...?

But thankfully God nudged my spirit awake as Isaac unpacked the first four verses of Luke:

Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled among us, just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses and servants of the word. Therefore, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, it seemed good also to me t write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught. - Luke 1:1-4

How many times have I skimmed this introductory paragraph on my way to the meat of Luke's gospel? But Isaac made an observation about this opening that has already made a big impact on my identity. He pointed out that Luke talks about two groups of people in this paragraph—those who were up close to Jesus, who knew him, and those who were not close and needed access.

And Luke puts himself in the middle. 

"Like a bridge," Isaac said. Luke was a bridge between those who knew Jesus and those who needed to know Him. Here it is again, with Luke's reference to himself highlighted:

Many have undertaken to draw up an account of the things that have been fulfilled among us, just as they were handed down to us by those who from the first were eyewitnesses and servants of the word. Therefore, since I myself have carefully investigated everything from the beginning, it seemed good also to me t write an orderly account for you, most excellent Theophilus, so that you may know the certainty of the things you have been taught. - Luke 1:1-4

A bridge, I realized as I stared up at the screen. That's what I am.

It was one of those moments that I've become increasingly aware of in my last year at Heartland, a "kairos" moment where God is speaking and my ears are listening.

The words thudded in my ears all day, and then all week. I'm a bridge.

I thought about the teens I work with, the ones who are proud to be Atheists but who love hanging around our writing website. I'm a bridge for those teens.

I thought of my children, who ask me difficult spiritual questions ("Mommy, what happens to people who die but don't believe in Jesus?") that I try to answer honestly, yet in ways their six- and four-year-old brains can understand. I'm a bridge for my children.

I thought of the novels I write and how they wander into homes and lives where God is mocked or ignored. I'm a bridge for those readers.

We're all called to be bridges—that's what the Great Commission is all about.  Jesus said to his disciples, "Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit, and teaching them to obey everything I have commanded you."

Who in your life do you have unique access to? Coworkers? Nieces and nephews? Foster children? Neighbors? Consider how God might be uniquely equipping you to reach those people.

Kindness

And I am praying that you will put into action the generosity that comes from your faith as you understand and experience all the good things we have in Christ

Philemon 1:6 (NLT)

Yesterday I was talking to our neighbor. She had stopped by and mentioned she was a having a rough week – and my mom had called (we are also having an emotionally charged week) and in my moment of selfishness I excused myself and answered because I had been trying to get ahold of her all day. 

It took a solid few hours for me to realize I had just completely prioritized my family’s drama above another’s need to be heard. 

Since I had just SO completely failed in compassion I decided to pick her up some flowers at Target just to say “hey, I heard you and I pray your week improves” (since my actions clearly said I did not care, even though I do)!

Funny thing (and the whole point of this post for those I’m beginning to lose)…I felt so awkward walking the flowers across the street. I should mention we just moved into our house last November, and we are on very friendly terms with our neighbor, but are by no means super close (yet). And I felt like a silly little girl walking with my flowers! It struck me as sad that I am so unaccustomed to doing random acts of kindness that it was extremely awkward to perform. 

I was worried about how I would look when, once again, this had nothing to do with me! Thank goodness Jesus stepped in and whispered:

Never feel foolish to show love.

That phrase has been on repeat in my head ever since.  Never feel foolish to show love. 

After much prayer and reflection I’ve decided that kindness needs to ooze out of me a little more freely. Don’t get me wrong, I love kindness and have all these ideas of how to be kind. But I get all up in my head and worry about what others will think about me if I do them! (typing that I realize how incredibly stupid and vain I sound)

But I am task oriented. I make lists, I have goals, and I take steps to reach them. So, until it’s habitual, every month I am sending a random box of kindness to whoever God puts in my heart. I must learn to listen to His nudges (so if I randomly ask for your address don’t be afraid).

This life isn’t about me, and showing love isn’t about me. Being kind isn’t about me. It is ALL about listening to God. Doing the nudges, because all good things are from God…so that means every good and kind idea comes from God, right?!  So what are we waiting for?! 

~Never feel foolish to show love~

- Jessi

Every generous act of giving and every perfect gift is from above and comes down from the Father who made the heavenly lights, in whom there is no inconsistency or shifting shadow

James 1:17 (ISV)

Building Community

Kanary Family Mission Statement

God designed us to be in community.  Soon after creating Adam, "The Lord God said, 'It is not good for the man to be alone.  I will make a helper suitable for him.'" (Genesis 2:18)  The word "helper" gets under the skin of some women, but the intent was that Adam have a companion to help him share the responsibilities God had put before him in his dominion over the living things of this new world.  We were never meant to be alone.

We form community in a variety of ways, through small things and large, each and every day.  Chatting with a neighbor, offering an acquaintance helping hand, inviting a family from your kid's peer group to church with you, taking the time to ask about the life of your server at a restaurant, or giving a compliment or word of encouragement to that fellow mom you see around, but don't really know. These are only some of the ways you build community.

A couple years ago James and I wrote a family mission statement.  Part of it reflects our innate desire for community and relationship: "Together with Christ, we are passionate about building the village with and for our family..."  This part of the statement brings up a few important things.  First, we have to invite Christ into the center of our family in order for anything we do to bear the kind of fruit God intended.  "Together With Christ" has been our motto as a couple since we were engaged 13 years ago.

Community doesn't always come easily.  Sometimes you have to work for it...be intentional about it. "We are passionate about building the village" - community is something that we are passionate about creating.  We make intentional decisions every day, big and small, that allow us to contribute to building the village.  Whether it is inviting people over for dinner, pitching in when someone needs help, dropping a care package off for a friend in need, or giving of ourselves (time, talent, treasure) in some other way - we are living life in such a way that we hope builds community.

Community building isn't as much fun in isolation!  We do it "with and for our family".  We try to model the village for our kids so they join in the community building culture we are trying to create in our home.  Those moments when our kids think of others first make the occasional, "do we have to" worth it.

Community doesn't look the same for everyone.  I can assure you that it comes much more easily to my extroverted husband than it does for introverted me.  I am much more comfortable behind a keyboard than a handshake, but God didn't intend us to rely solely on virtual community to the exclusion of personal, face-to-face interaction.  Just look at the mess that became of the humans in the movie Wall-e! Community can consist of the people you only interact with online, but those can't be your only relationships.  Sometimes it requires us to step out of our comfort zones and allow God to stretch us in areas that don't get a lot of use.

What does community mean to you?  How are you nurturing and growing your village?
- Katrina K.

The Struggle Calling Sometimes Creates

Throughout life, in the numerous roles we fulfill, we have felt a calling. A calling to say yes or say no, to step out or step back.  I’m sure you can recall times when those who you look to for support in your calling did not respond as you wished, namely with excitement, a curiousness to learn more, or a willingness to help.  Take heart, you are not alone!

As a daughter, sibling, friend, and wife - I have experienced this.  Many, many times I did not navigate the situation well!  However, I do feel as if God has repeated these type of situations in my life so that I might learn to do it better. Sometimes the situation was a brief conversation, other times it entailed a year or more of riding out the waves as patiently and prayerfully as I could.

Some things I learned that seem to help me time and again:

- they may not understand your calling to varying degrees - or at all

- they may not like your calling to varying degrees - or at all

- they may be resentful if they weren’t called as you have been

- we have to respect their response whether we agree or disagree with it

- its more important for us to communicate that we feel God has called us to do this

 rather than continue to try to get them to understand it or like it

- trying to be the driving force behind making this a life changing experience for you AND

 them may cause even more disinterest

- pray for, notice, and utilize the moments that will naturally occur to share as the Spirit

 leads you using inclusive, common language

- sometimes less is more

- find someone who has navigated these rough waters and imitate them!

- let them learn more by witnessing your experience of being called

Don’t be mistaken, I’m far from mastering this type of thing! This list gets reviewed frequently, to remind myself of these lessons and in order to edit or add to it.  There’s no doubt about it, once we’ve drawn nearer to God, learned to hear from Him and to draw on our identity to take action, it’s important we learn to handle this type of struggle.  

- Nanette H.

Celebrate Them, Not Just Their Accomplishments

My oldest son is 14 years old, a freshman in highschool.  He’s wandering through the wilderness.  Wounds get created during this time and for some the scars left still cause pain and maybe even limit our range of motion.  As moms, grandmothers, and motherly influences, we do our best to protect our children.  What I’m realizing is that protection isn’t an option so much anymore. Now, I’m doing my best to guide and counsel him to make his own good choices. But there are days when this guidance and counseling feels more like judgement and punishment for consequences of making not so wise choices.  I sense moments like these have inspired the overall negative reputation of the teen years.  

From working on my own identity and learning how my choices directly reflect the identity I’m claiming, I’ve begun to recognize it’s not a behavior issue, but an identity issue.  While pressing into this prayerfully, the Holy Spirit brought to light those places where my son’s identity was strong, unconditionally loved, and where it needed building, beautifully and wonderfully made. Then, when I searched for some sort of resource, I came across article after article, blog after blog, with and without spiritual context, explaining how we continually try to figure out who we are.  We search from the time we’re brought into this world until the time we are here no longer, but it seems to reach its pinnacle when our hormones rage and we begin to change from girls and boys into women and men.

What many of these resources emphasized was praise.  Praising our children, catching them doing the good, being the good and celebrating that.  This left me confused, because my husband and I really try to do this.  he brings home his semester report card and we’re amazed at the grades, the comments, and his overall placement in his cl

This realization came recently as I praised him for his semester report card - we’re amazed at the grades, the comments, and his overall placement in his class.   In that exact moment the conversation changed, my eyes welled with tears, as I started expressing how proud we were of the unique way God created him and how because of that he was able to do these great things.  As I went on about this, a confused look came upon his face and he asked about his younger brothers giftings.  He knew they weren’t the same because his brother struggles with many things he does not.  He began acknowledging that he probably overlooks his brother's gifts because of their closeness.

Since having this breakthrough conversation, we still search for opportunities to praise our boys. Whether it’s something they do or say or think, but also we’ve formed a habit of pointing them to God and celebrating who he’s made them to be.  So, not praising them only for receiving good grades or scoring during the game, but for the blessing of being a quick learner or determined studier and being physically agile or dedicated to the team.  Celebrating not just for doing what is expected and practicing good self control, but for the character of who they are no matter what they do.  As an added bonus of affirming our boys’ identity in Christ, we’ve found they struggle less with their own obedience.  It seems to have transitioned them from doing things to avoid punishment into a joyful expression of their new found identity.  Sounds somewhat familiar…  
- Nanette H.

Resolutions- Comparison or Imitation?

Photo by ColinBroug via stock.xchng

I find the whole idea of resolutions very interesting.  I’m not necessarily for or against them per se, but our reasons for them often have some sort of relational root.  For many years I’ve set resolutions for the new year (and I’ve done it at different times during the year), as 2013 came to a close and the hope of a new year began to form, I ran through the laundry list of areas in which I need to improve.  I need to be more consistent with my exercise, my nutrition, being more intentional with family time, spend more time with Jesus etc. I trust you know the list just as well as I do.  Honestly, the idea of forming a grandiose plan around even one on the list was less than enticing!

Naturally, my next human reaction included downplaying the importance of making resolutions in the first place by questioning why so many of us seem to have the desire to do so sewn into our identity.  It must be our evil comparison ridden society!  At least that’s where I tried to conclude my self examination…

I did, in fact, table the discussion with myself to go pick up my boys from school.  After all, we had a busy afternoon ahead!  Homework, piano practice, making and sitting down as a family to dinner, Scouts, and then the start of the bedtime routine, which for my teenager included more homework after scouts and very little, if any down time.

Now, I understand that we can find ourselves in all kinds of seasons, but the season I currently find myself to be in includes very little self care.  I’m not referring to showering and brushing my teeth.  I’m talking about nurturing my soul! Somehow I was getting enough water to maintain, and that’s what my boys were doing.  I found this unsettling to say the least!

Yes, seasons existed where I modelled these things better, but the Spirit convicted me that if I wanted my boys to practice a different rhythm in their lives, in every season, then I had to first model that for them.  

Just as Paul says in 1 Corinthians 4

14 I am writing this not to shame you but to warn you as my dear children. 15 Even if you had ten thousand guardians in Christ, you do not have many fathers, for in Christ Jesus I became your father through the gospel. 16 Therefore I urge you to imitate me. 17 For this reason I have sent to you Timothy, my son whom I love, who is faithful in the Lord. He will remind you of my way of life in Christ Jesus, which agrees with what I teach everywhere in every church.

Imitate me, by imitating my son/daughter who has spent time watching me imitate Jesus Christ.  Who doesn’t want to send out their children and be able to say this?  Who doesn’t want a life worth imitating?  

Almost a month into the new year, I’m creating my plan.  A plan to renew my resolve, not to be a perfect example, but a living one.  An honest and transparent example, inviting those near and dear to imitate anything in me of Jesus and nothing that isn’t.  

John 3

30 He must become greater; I must become less.

In order for Him to increase in me, what must decrease?  That which is worthy of imitation must increase and that which isn’t must go.  

I don’t want to be a guide in Christianity, instructing and teaching on what was and what is supposed to be.  I want to be a Mother in Christ, with many spiritual children, helping to imprint the way of life in Christ on many.  

- Nanette H.

Hospitality - Welcome to my Home

​The idea of entertaining people in my home has greatly intimidated me in the past.  Even though I enjoyed it when it happened, it wasn’t something I volunteered to do often.  Our family hosted an annual Halloween party for a few years and occasionally my husband and I invited a couple over for dinner and board games, but the work that went into preparing took days!!  So, when the idea of an “open door” policy was introduced to me initially, it created a lot of anxiety in me.  Not only do I fight with comparison of my home, furniture, and decor, but even more that our real life won’t measure up, that our family, friends, and neighbors would find me somehow lacking as a wife, mother and homemaker.  

​Ironically, about this same time I found myself invited into a discipling relationship, invited into someone elses life, and this “open door” policy was not only modeled well, but this was the main tool used to point me towards Jesus and His Word.  Each time she hosted me, whether at her place of employment, a coffee shop, or her home she exuded hospitality and servanthood.  I found this relationship and everything it ignited in me so captivating that our surroundings always reflected the light shining from it.  Months went by which included numerous visits to her home and I experienced grand tablescapes and candles to laundry piled in the hallway and pitching in to do the dishes.  The biggest transition took place, we become family.  

​We recently moved, and now one of the things we look forward to the most is not entertaining our family, friends and neighbors, but hosting them in our home with an “open door” policy. This is NOT because the new house is bigger or better or newer, because it’s not!  It’s because now we see our home as an opportunity to provide a safe, loving, and nurturing place to grow friendships and build the family God makes.

​So, please, consider this your invitation!  We can sit back, put our feet up on an unpacked box, and over a cup of coffee share what God’s doing in our lives.

- Nanette H.

Living Chosen

Join us this week over on the blog of our lovely Nanette Making Me New as she beautifully shares her heart and explores what it means to live as one chosen.

She asks the questions: Am I walking confidently in who He’s created me to be?  Walking in His holy confidence?  Are you?

Families that Dine Together

What defines family?  Or better yet, what defines your family?

As a family, we have experienced a gamut of stages.  Yes, your typical small children stage and the such, but also the “kids involved in 2 sports, 2 clubs,  scouts, and youth group” stage as well as the “yes, I can help with everything” stage.  So, throughout the years our family could be defined as: busy, preoccupied, rushed, involved, spread thin, and (my favorite, which still occasionally applies) divide and conquer.  Repeatedly, my husband and I engaged in the discussion of our pace and over committing.  I’m certain we aren’t alone in this.

Eating dinner together as a family has always been on the priority list for us.  Granted, seasons existed (and still do) when it hasn’t happened as often as we would have liked.  Currently, we’re blessed to be in a season where this happens at least 5 times a week.  As much of a gift as it may be for all of us to be around the table, sometimes there’s not a lot of presence.  Sometimes I wonder why I even bother when it seems I spend the entire time coaxing my 8 year old to eat, attempting to ask my teenager questions that cannot be answered with just a grunt, and giving my husband “the look” to put his phone away.  

Yes, I want one of the things that defines my family to be that we eat together, but I want it to be much more than that also.  Recently the youth ministry taught a series of Sundays on family.  The topics for these Sundays included pray, play, serve, and finally eat.  Each one a great stand alone activity, but realizing the family dinners in my mind included all of them caused a paradigm shift.  Every meal won’t be mission realized, but once a week or two we have a meal that’s “set apart” from the rest.  I purposely fix favorite foods to eat, the table is set with fancy china and candles, we take the time to not only shoot up a prayer of thanks for our food, but thanks for one another, and we go around the table sharing our roses (successes, highlights, moments of joy), our thorns (struggles - not complaints or attacks), and our buds (things we’re looking forward to).  Life slows and our true riches return to glitter and shine.  

My three “boys” fully engage.  Because this meal is set apart from the rest, it’s easy for them to see how I am serving them.  They feel special and honored.  The bonus is how this meal sets the tone for our everyday meals in between.  Opportunities for them to serve, a time set apart, a time for engagement and presence, and a time for prayer creates an environment where play naturally happens.  

Do I still end up coaxing the 8 year old to eat, attempting to get the teenager to do more than grunt, and encouraging the cell phone be put away? Yes!  Does it happen less often and with a greater understanding of the family culture we’re trying to create?  Yes!  We want to be a family who plays together, prays together, serves together, and eating together helps us do that.  We’re starting around our table and reaching out from there.

- Nanette H.