What defines family? Or better yet, what defines your family?
As a family, we have experienced a gamut of stages. Yes, your typical small children stage and the such, but also the “kids involved in 2 sports, 2 clubs, scouts, and youth group” stage as well as the “yes, I can help with everything” stage. So, throughout the years our family could be defined as: busy, preoccupied, rushed, involved, spread thin, and (my favorite, which still occasionally applies) divide and conquer. Repeatedly, my husband and I engaged in the discussion of our pace and over committing. I’m certain we aren’t alone in this.
Eating dinner together as a family has always been on the priority list for us. Granted, seasons existed (and still do) when it hasn’t happened as often as we would have liked. Currently, we’re blessed to be in a season where this happens at least 5 times a week. As much of a gift as it may be for all of us to be around the table, sometimes there’s not a lot of presence. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother when it seems I spend the entire time coaxing my 8 year old to eat, attempting to ask my teenager questions that cannot be answered with just a grunt, and giving my husband “the look” to put his phone away.
Yes, I want one of the things that defines my family to be that we eat together, but I want it to be much more than that also. Recently the youth ministry taught a series of Sundays on family. The topics for these Sundays included pray, play, serve, and finally eat. Each one a great stand alone activity, but realizing the family dinners in my mind included all of them caused a paradigm shift. Every meal won’t be mission realized, but once a week or two we have a meal that’s “set apart” from the rest. I purposely fix favorite foods to eat, the table is set with fancy china and candles, we take the time to not only shoot up a prayer of thanks for our food, but thanks for one another, and we go around the table sharing our roses (successes, highlights, moments of joy), our thorns (struggles - not complaints or attacks), and our buds (things we’re looking forward to). Life slows and our true riches return to glitter and shine.
My three “boys” fully engage. Because this meal is set apart from the rest, it’s easy for them to see how I am serving them. They feel special and honored. The bonus is how this meal sets the tone for our everyday meals in between. Opportunities for them to serve, a time set apart, a time for engagement and presence, and a time for prayer creates an environment where play naturally happens.
Do I still end up coaxing the 8 year old to eat, attempting to get the teenager to do more than grunt, and encouraging the cell phone be put away? Yes! Does it happen less often and with a greater understanding of the family culture we’re trying to create? Yes! We want to be a family who plays together, prays together, serves together, and eating together helps us do that. We’re starting around our table and reaching out from there.
- Nanette H.
