We seek joy. More than anything, we crave this feeling – this state of being – this joy that God says is ours and our soul longs for.
But as we look around us and others – we do not always see joy. We can’t always find it when we need it and we are not really sure what it is we are searching for. We’ve been told it is not happiness – that happiness is more of a fleeting feeling – an in the moment kind of reaction to something good. We’ve been told it’s not money or possessions or anything we can buy. So, I found myself wondering what is joy?
In an article by Dale Fletcher of Faith and Health Connection, he writes, “living a life that is in line with God’s principles that are written about in the Bible can not only bring a life of happiness but of joy and a sense that life is worth living…That’s how God designed us. And that’s why God inspired the writers of the Bible to give us the truth that can be found there.”
Psalm 16:11 (ESV) You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.
It seemed to me, if God gave us the principles on how to live in joy, a lot of us had to be missing something in the Bible since we weren’t experiencing joy. Maybe it’s a cultural error. The subjects of loneliness, fewer family connections, and disconnection despite many online connections are popular themes among articles I read. Then I started hearing about discipleship at Heartland and talks on themes such as living life together and creating family – and I was intrigued.
In Ghost Boy, Martin Pistorius wrote “… I wondered if it was possible to get so used to joy that you stopped noticing it?”
Maybe we do stop noticing all the joy around us – maybe we stop noticing all the people around us too. In Jennifer Senior’s book All Joy and No Fun, she wrote about George Vaillant, a psychiatrist who took on the Grant Study in 1939 and has followed the same group of Harvard sophomores, collecting data about every aspect of their lives and deaths. She wrote of Valliant’s observations: “Joy is connection” and joy is “almost impossible to experience alone” and “joy is grief inside out”.
That made sense to me. Living life together makes sense and joy is connection; connection to God and connection to each other. Our “In” crowd, our group, our family, our friends, our intimate relationships, our relationship with Jesus, maybe our Women Unplugged Table…our “in’s” are joy. We were made for a deep fellowship and connection with other people as well as with God to satisfy our soul cravings. We share our hopes, fears, thoughts, failures, and dreams with those we feel a connection deep enough to be vulnerable with our hearts. We only get our craving for joy filled when we experience those kind of relationships and ongoing connections.
A brief moment of connection with a stranger or acquaintance doesn’t fill the imprint God left on our hearts. We need a soul connection with God and others. We need to share intimate details of ourselves with Him and with people we love that we have continued connections with in our lives.
Unfortunately – mourning and joy are intertwined. We can’t actually experience the joy connections without risking – and experiencing – mourning and loss. We raise kids for that joy connection – even though we know we will lose them – because they grow up, move away, or we lose them through tragedy. But we do it anyway because it’s a joy connection worth the cost. We love others because it’s worth the cost. We may lose our spouses, friends, or family, but we choose to make joy connections because it’s worth the cost of mourning them when the connection is over. We marry because no matter how it ends, it’s worth the risk and the memories and the cost – it’s worth the joy connection through the years, we hope. We make friends even though people change and people move and people hurt us. But it’s worth the joy connections. Jesus’ friend Judas betrayed him in the end, but he made the connection anyway. He knew who would betray him. We do not. But we connect anyway.
Vulnerability and courage are hard to muster in a world where hurting people hurt hurting people. Our core beings are damaged by failures, fears, rejection, and grief. To expose our wounds, oozing and raw, to other people takes trust built over time and consistent relationship. We are unable to heal alone but not safe enough to ask for help or share our being– having been hurt, rejected, judged, condemned, feeling worthless and without value. We have experienced the opposite of grace, love, and mercy. The opposite of God’s love. The opposite of Jesus hanging on a cross for his friends. The opposite of support, empathy, and encouragement. The opposite of what we need to heal.
Every human being needs encouragement, love, and support to flourish and to heal and to believe the truth in God’s word – to believe we have worth, a calling, a purpose, and value. We need those kind of people to connect with in life to experience joy. Safe people we love, who love us. Every person we love isn’t going to be the kind of person we are able to connect to on that level and be vulnerable enough to share our deepest selves and find that kind of joy connection. Jesus found twelve joy connections. Then out of the twelve disciples, three whom he had intimate soul connections.
It’s a paradox to learn that what we crave most are things we cannot hold onto in this life. We will always be learning to let go, waiting for heaven, and maintaining, making, and losing joy connections. It’s comforting to know we can never lose God, our greatest joy connection. When we lose others or are betrayed, he stands firm and keeps us steady. Psalms 62:6 He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.
He holds onto us and sustains us even when we cannot hold onto him. He is our rock we stay connected to so our human relationships cannot sink us. Jesus had a Judas and we will too, but he also had eleven solid friends who stood by his side through the joy and through the pain.
We read the Bible, listen to God’s voice, and pray because we cannot live in joy without our connection to Him. God created us to connect to him and then to each other. Joy is connection and connection was made to be shared between God and others. You’ve heard of the triangle? Up, In, and Out. Connection “Up” to God and “In” with other Christ-followers – these are our joy connections – and “Out” is our mission from Jesus – to show lost people Jesus by our actions and our words.
We sometimes find ourselves missing our “In”. In’s can be hard to find – scary too. Most of us have been deeply hurt by our “In”s – who may or may not be Christ-followers. To put yourself out there and try again, is hard. It costs. And when you find a joy connection, it means you most certainly will face loss again. But joy is worth the cost. Living this life without joy…hurts. It’s lonely. God doesn’t want that for us. He calls us to good things.
Proverbs 17:22 (ESV) A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.
Psalm 126:5 (ESV) Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!
What stops us from wanting to connect with others besides the possibility of being hurt? Connection costs time, energy, loss of freedom, and obligates us to the people we connect with if we want to continue our connection.
In the book All Joy and No Fun, Jennifer Senior quotes Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi “freedom in our culture has evolved to mean freedom from obligations. But what on earth does that freedom even mean if we don’t have something to give it up for?” In our personal lives, Csikszentmihalyi writes, rules can liberate us even as they bind: “One is freed of the constant pressure of trying to maximize emotional returns.”
Interesting. The Bible agrees. Once we surrender to Christ – we are free. We surrender to his ways of doing things. He of course knows exactly how we’re made and tells us to follow certain principles to ensure we will find joy and peace and everything else we crave. He knows we will only find joy giving ourselves to a higher purpose, being generous, being connected, and truly showing love. So he tells us to do those things. God says we have to “do” not just feel. The psychology field has found the same thing. We actually have to get outside of ourselves and do things we feel good about for others – thinking about them isn’t enough. Doing costs.
If we find ourselves too busy for God or people, we find ourselves too busy for joy. I admit I have found myself too busy for joy – too busy for connection. But priorities can change. Maybe connection with God and others is a priority worth changing in our lives since it is essentially the only reason for living…
Pride. Ugh pride hurts. It also keeps us from connecting with others. Pride either leads us to judgment or insecurity. Comparing ourselves to each other is wrong and it hurts. For connection with each other we need loads of grace and forgiveness. We are each just too imperfect – too human – not to need heaps of it from other people and to give heaps of it away. Joy connections are worth the cost.
Connecting changes people. Joy change peoples. People notice joy because people crave joy. Joy is one of those things that changes people who change churches who change the world.
When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. -Khalil Gibran
Do you have joy connections? What is holding you back?
- Tara Godard
References
Senior, Jennifer (2014-01-28). All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood. Kindle Edition.
Pistorius, Martin (2013-11-12). Ghost Boy: The Miraculous Escape of a Misdiagnosed Boy Trapped Inside His Own Body. Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.
Fletcher, D. (Sept. 2, 2008) Joy, Wellbeing & Health – Weekly Faith & Health Scripture – Psalm 119:2: Faith and Health Connection. http://www.faithandhealthconnection.org/faith-health-scripture-joy-wellbeing-health-psalm-1192/
