From working on my own identity and learning how my choices directly reflect the identity I’m claiming, I’ve begun to recognize it’s not a behavior issue, but an identity issue. While pressing into this prayerfully, the Holy Spirit brought to light those places where my son’s identity was strong, unconditionally loved, and where it needed building, beautifully and wonderfully made. Then, when I searched for some sort of resource, I came across article after article, blog after blog, with and without spiritual context, explaining how we continually try to figure out who we are. We search from the time we’re brought into this world until the time we are here no longer, but it seems to reach its pinnacle when our hormones rage and we begin to change from girls and boys into women and men.
What many of these resources emphasized was praise. Praising our children, catching them doing the good, being the good and celebrating that. This left me confused, because my husband and I really try to do this. he brings home his semester report card and we’re amazed at the grades, the comments, and his overall placement in his cl
This realization came recently as I praised him for his semester report card - we’re amazed at the grades, the comments, and his overall placement in his class. In that exact moment the conversation changed, my eyes welled with tears, as I started expressing how proud we were of the unique way God created him and how because of that he was able to do these great things. As I went on about this, a confused look came upon his face and he asked about his younger brothers giftings. He knew they weren’t the same because his brother struggles with many things he does not. He began acknowledging that he probably overlooks his brother's gifts because of their closeness.
Since having this breakthrough conversation, we still search for opportunities to praise our boys. Whether it’s something they do or say or think, but also we’ve formed a habit of pointing them to God and celebrating who he’s made them to be. So, not praising them only for receiving good grades or scoring during the game, but for the blessing of being a quick learner or determined studier and being physically agile or dedicated to the team. Celebrating not just for doing what is expected and practicing good self control, but for the character of who they are no matter what they do. As an added bonus of affirming our boys’ identity in Christ, we’ve found they struggle less with their own obedience. It seems to have transitioned them from doing things to avoid punishment into a joyful expression of their new found identity. Sounds somewhat familiar…
- Nanette H.
