I’ve never been very good at the discipline of prayer. Let me clarify -- I’ve never thought I was very good at what I *thought* an “effective” prayer life should look like. About a year ago, I found myself in the middle of a situation I couldn’t quite comprehend and it felt pretty earth-shattering. In all honesty, the circumstance itself probably wasn’t all that dramatic, but I had just been in a spiritual season of spring -- new things growing in me, new hope springing up, deepening faith. Going from that beautiful amazing place and taking a sharp turn into something that felt dark and confusing made me dizzy.
I found myself on my knees, quite literally, several times a day. I was desperate for an answer from God. I claimed His promises, I prayed scripture, I laid my heart and hands open before Him. I prayed a lot. I prayed hard. I committed to beginning and ending each day on my knees before the Lord. I did that for several months and, as of right now, no visible answer to that situation has come.
Somewhere along the line, I stopped going to my knees as often. After a while of not hearing or seeing a “direct” answer from God, I guess I got bored or thought it best to “move on.” Prayer can be a tedious business. Maybe that’s why I tend to give up so easily. I’ve been saturated by the instant-gratification mentality of our culture. Prayer is very rarely about instant gratification.
For the past few weeks we have been talking on Sunday mornings about the “agonizing, utterly contemptible, blessedly redeemable act of waiting.” I think waiting and prayer go hand-in-hand in the Kingdom. We’re really always waiting on something from God, and He invites us to be active in the waiting through the discipline of prayer. Whether we are waiting for healing, restoration, a clear path, or a word from Him, God instructs us to pray always (1 Thessalonians 5:17).
On the first week of the series, Dan encouraged us to take whatever we were waiting for and change our prayers to ask for more of the Holy Spirit and the fruits of the Spirit: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, self-control. (Galatians 5:22-23) I can tell you that even though no “answer” came from that intense season of on-my-knees prayer, God met me in ways I never would have imagined. Even though I didn’t see God answering me in the way I was hoping, my prayers started to change. I began to approach God differently. He met me there on my knees and whispered to my heart, “I see you. I hear you. I love you. I’m going to give you something so much better than what you ask for. I give you Myself.” And that’s exactly what He did. He spoke identity to me in those moments.
He taught me the value of contending on behalf of others, whether or not they ever know someone is praying for them. He taught me to come empty handed before Him and wait with expectation and hope.
And now I find myself still waiting on a lot of things, but the desperation factor has lessened. Sure, I’m waiting on God, but I’m not praying about those things as often. Why is it that it often takes the dire situations to bring us to the feet of the Father? So I am praying that God will stir my heart to passionate prayer for the things He cares about and for His kingdom. And I’m praying for strength and discipline to not “give up” on my prayers when I don’t see the answer right away. In his book The Circle Maker, Mark Batterson talks about how God instructed the Israelites to march around Jericho seven times and blow their trumpets before the walls would come down. Batterson wonders, “What if the Israelites had stopped circling on the sixth day?” and he concludes that they would have forfeited the miracle God had waiting just around the corner for them.
Prayer is a mysterious thing, and so is waiting on God. There are prayers that in His divine wisdom, God chooses not to answer in the way we expect. But He always hears us and always gives Himself if we will just ask. And He is always better than whatever it is we are waiting and praying for.
What is it that you are waiting for? Do you need to “draw a circle around it” in prayer again? How is God changing you through the waiting? Thank Him for those things and keep on asking for more of Him.
Meredith M.
