Last time I posted here I mentioned how my husband and I worked through “The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work”, by John Gottman at the recommendation of our counselor when we were in a definite state of crisis and how working through that helped us reconcile from a separation.
Currently, we’re working through the book again. No, we aren’t separating! The Couple’s Home Improvement classes here at Heartland are utilizing this text as the curriculum for the year. We thought it would be great to revisit these concepts as a preventative measure.
The first principle in the book calls us to “Enhance Our Love Maps”. I recall being super excited by this title the first go round, since I have a strong sense of direction. However, I quickly found out this was not the type of map I was used to.
The love map refers to how intimately familiar we are with each other’s world. Gottman claims, “From knowledge springs not only love but the fortitude to weather marital storms.” Citing research that indicates the more detailed the love map, the higher the marital satisfaction.
So what kind of knowledge fills out a love map? It varies from the simple – favorite color, movie, music, and food, etc. to the deep – fears, worries, ideal job, and aspirations. In the book and during Home Improvement couples can take sample quizzes to see how healthy their current love map is and most importantly, exercises to expand them.
The time we spent establishing our love map reminded us of when we were dating and used to spend hours just talking! We realized the base for our love map was in pretty good shape, but we hadn’t been as diligent as we should have about updating it. Updating our love maps and bringing each other up to speed provided a unique chance to reconnect.
So, go grab a coffee and ask each other some questions, you’ll be amazed at how fun this date will be!
I can’t wait to hear all about it!
Nanette
P.S. Ladies, I have found love maps to be extremely helpful in maintaining other important relationships as well. It’s a powerful thing to know and be known!
