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With Valentine’s Day quickly approaching, I
thought I’d share with you something I started doing with my boys
back in 2005. Valentine’s Day in 2005 I was pregnant with our
youngest son, whom we knew was going to be born in a few short weeks
with Spina Bifida. RJ had been an only child up to this point (5 ½
yrs old) and very much used to lots of 1 on 1 attention.
However, with so many things in our future
uncertain, I made sure he and I went on a “date” together before
our lives got flipped upside down! This particular occasion, we did
do an actual date. My little boy took me out to dinner (McDonald’s)
and a movie (something animated). It was so fun!
While Garrett was in the NICU, my dinners and
evenings were split equally. While RJ was in school I’d be at the
hospital with Garrett and every other day I’d leave to have dinner
at home with RJ and get him settled into bed. The next night while I
was with Garrett, RJ got to have dinner and spend time with many
other loving family members.
As time progressed Garrett continued to demand a
majority of my time, but RJ and I had established our date
commitment. At this stage we would go roller-skating, eat pizza,
drink rainbow slushes, and play arcade games at the rink. As Garrett
grew the inequality of attention lessened and it became obvious that
Garrett and I actually needed to start going on dates. So much of
the time we spent together involved taking care of the necessities
that we didn’t get to have much fun with one another. Since
Garrett loved trains, we began our dates eating dinner at Fritz’s.
Fast forward a few years, and I presently have
weekly dates scheduled with both of my boys. RJ is now 13 ½ and
every Thursday we go get a coffee from Starbucks drive thru then park
and catch up. For some reason teenagers will talk to you in the car
more than anywhere else! At this age he’s so busy with his own
life that sometimes I feel clueless as to what is going on, and I can
see this only getting worse. Based on the conversations that take
place during this time together, connecting with our teenagers on a
regular basis appears to be vital!
Garrett will be 8 next month, he currently loves
going to the park to play, going for walks, and getting frozen
yogurt. Even though Garrett still gets a lot of my time and
attention, having a date to go do something fun together has relieved
a lot of stress for me. Sometimes I get overwhelmed and frustrated
with him and all that we have to do on a daily basis, but our dates
give us the opportunity to remember he’s just like any other
8-year-old little boy.
My boys look forward to these special dates so
much that for Christmas they asked for gift cards to Starbucks and
Peachwave. These “dates” have inspired us to incorporate
intentional time to just build our relationships. We even have
family dates to the movies, the zoo, or even a simple picnic in the
park and playing catch! Our pace can get out of hand quickly if we
allow it. Including these dates in our schedule has helped me create
and maintain close healthy relationships with my boys. My prayer is
for that to continue!
What does your family do? Especially if you have
more than one kiddo, you may consider implementing an idea like this.
Our children can be so different from on another and connecting with
them individually makes them feel important and boosts their
confidence about how God created them to be unique.
- Nanette H.
