Step Into Grace

Sometimes you just have to restart. This blog post, for example, has been started three times. The other two started fine, but I had so much I wanted to include in the first, I feared I might never finish it. The second started strong then fell flat.  I think it’s kinda like computers. You know, when you start getting error messages or it freezes? You call the help desk and the first thing they ask is  “have you restarted it?”

And how many things have I started just to have something (life?) come along and knock me off course? Sometimes it feels too overwhelming to right the cart and get back on track. There are certain times that feel easier to start or restart something. The new year, when the kids go back to school, next month, Monday, maybe even tomorrow.

Oh and the plan!! I can make a plan like no other! Researching is probably one of my favorite past times.  I just like to learn. Armed with information, how do I not go all out? I’ll read the whole Bible through this year. I’ll follow this perfect home cleaning schedule. NO MORE FAST FOOD! No more yelling at the kids.

I’ve shared this with enough of my girlfriends to know I’m not alone in this. We have the best of intentions. We want to grow and do better. It’s easy to get discouraged by all of the “failed” attempts piled up in our past. It’s easy to forget about grace.

“Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed,

for his compassions never fail.

They are new every morning;

great is your faithfulness.”

-Lamentations 3:22-23

It can be difficult to accept and step into grace. I’ve found it’s much easier to dance into it. No joke! A sweet friend performed a dance to the song below and it truly inspired me to do the same. So I went home and I *started* practicing accepting grace through dancing to this song.

Now, my plan of practicing this has long since been interrupted, but one day when things were just going down hill and I found myself wishing I could restart the day, the Spirit reminded me of this. I was in the bathroom with my youngest son and it was ugly. We were both a mess. Frustrated, sad, and maybe even a little angry with one another, I grabbed my phone turned one of his favorite songs on and we danced.  Even though it wasn’t the beautiful voice of Christy Nockels singing about the grace of Jesus pouring over us, it did.

We didn’t get to restart, but we were blessed by the reset of our day. In that moment outside of our situation, we both gave and received grace.

Nanette H.

Ripple Effects

Those women; the ones who speak confidence in the face of uncertainty, who reject dismay and invite joy, who search for truth with humility, who seem content among crowds, and who turn to Jesus before I can even turn over a thought. Twelve years ago I wanted to be one of those women.  I was a new mom, a young mom, full of uncertainties and doubts; full of ideas and vision, yet so short sighted, so inexperienced. When a friend invited me to attend a “women’s Bible study” I only went because it was ironically and conveniently located 100 feet from the front door of my quaint, second story condo. 

I had my presumptions about what a group of women would think of me…and I them. Inadequate is probably the best descriptive word for how I felt in a group of women, followed closely by unworthy. Although the meeting place may have only been 100 feet away, my heart was 1000 miles away from believing I belonged in their group. It was for those women and others so perfectly on track to becoming one of those women. It wasn’t for the young, first time mom who didn’t know how to handle her daughter being uncomfortable and fussy in the provided childcare, it wasn’t for the woman who didn’t know the books of the Bible or why they were not just in alphabetical or chronological order (for real), or how to shower and have this coveted thing called “quiet time” (I had to learn a whole language of Christian-ese), or how to sit in a room full of women and act like I knew how to be one because losing your own mom to cancer at the age of four and being raised by a dad who didn’t always respect women wasn’t exactly a recipe for confident womanhood.

God knew I needed to make that 100-foot walk from my home to the church’s front doors. They were baby steps of faith that I needed to take to begin to trust Him and His ways. What I realized over time was that all those women were doing the same thing. Their journeys were different than mine, but we were all desperately and imperfectly seeking to believe Jesus and be more like Him. The traits I envied in other women weren’t really them at all. It was Jesus in them that looked so appealing to me. I just didn’t know it at first, but the more I got to know Jesus; who He was, what He was about, and who He said I was, the more I saw His presence in other people. The women who admitted that fact quickly usually became my favorites because what He was doing in them just looked so, so good.  Their humility, grace, holy confidence, and loving ways challenged my fearful, self-righteous self without a word of blame or shame. I truly wanted what they had, and they had faith in a Savior and King who loved them and wanted to have a real relationship with them.

To all those women out there (if you even think you might be one you probably are!) keep your hearts turned towards Jesus and know that while you are seeking Him, God is sending a new generation to watch and learn how to be crazy enough to have faith in the unseen, and live love and joy in a world of suffering. You cannot know the ripple effects God sends out from a life of authentic faith.  Those women I looked to over a decade ago probably have no idea I was watching.  I'm guessing they had no idea God would use the ripple effect of their faith to encourage me to point other women (my three daughters included) to Jesus today. 

John 20:30-31 Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of the disciples, which are not written in this book; but these are written so that you may believe that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God, and that by believing you may have life in his name.

Jena M.

Chosen

We all need to know who we are - where we come from. Where we are going. As a personality profile junkie, I can get overly fascinated with how I’m wired. Sometimes indulging in those silly online quizzes (you know, the ones that somehow promise to take what you ate for breakfast and the middle name of your best friend and miraculously tell you which Disney character you most resemble…)  “Oh, that’s totally me!” I say when I get a result I agree with. ...But sometimes, when it’s a little off, I just tend to chalk it up to poor quiz writers. Somehow I can always twist the results to suit what I want to hear.

Almost daily, around my right wrist sits a little block of stamped clay. CHOSEN. Tied around with its little gray elastic it is a visual reminder of the truth the Father speaks of me. When God gave me this word, it was quite a surprise, honestly. I was not in any way, shape or form expecting to hear that particular word from Him. But like a firebrand, clear as day and searing hot it burned on my heart. Chosen.

I so often qualify the things I am. I am a teacher, but do people think I’m a good teacher? I am a friend, but how have I been doing keeping up with certain relationships? Probably not all that great. I am a daughter, but when was the last time I really connected deeply with my parents? I feel the weight of you can do better at this pushing down on me. Or I define myself by what has happened or not happened in my life.  I’ve been rejected a time or two. It hurts. It cuts deep. When you hear the same words over and over, you start to wonder if it’s true about you. What did I do wrong to cause this? Is this my fault?  But when I leaned in close enough to really, really hear what He had to say - not the voices that mock and shame - I got a big surprise - “chosen.”

Really, God?

Yes, really. You are CHOSEN.

But you are a chosen people, a royal priesthood, a holy nation, God’s special possession, that you may declare the praises of him who called you out of darkness into his wonderful light.

1 Peter 2:9

You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.

John 15:16

Really? Okay. I’m gonna take Your word for it. Act like it’s true even when I don’t feel like it’s true.

When we truly desire to know who we are, we must look square in His face and wait for His words. We need to know Who our Father is. What is true of Him? He bestows our identity, and surprisingly enough, it has absolutely nothing to do with how good we are at things. It has nothing to do with what we’ve done or haven’t been able to do. It has nothing to do with what has happened to us. It has everything to do with Who He is. Because we have Jesus, when God looks at us, He sees Jesus. Before we ever step out into the world, He says to us the same thing He said to Jesus in Matthew 3:17.

“This is My beloved [daughter], in whom I am well-pleased.”

So my little MudLove bracelet (www.mudlove.com) reminds me daily who I am. I make sure I am wearing it especially when I know I am going to meet challenge in my day. In a way, it’s a little bit of putting on my very own spiritual armor. A little miniature belt of truth around my wrist.

When we step more fully into who God says we are, remarkable things start to happen in and around us.

What does God say about you? Have you asked Him lately? Go ahead...lean in close.  Maybe you’ll be surprised by what He says.

“Search me, God, and know my heart. . . “

Psalm 139:23

~ Meredith M.

Joy is Connection

We seek joy. More than anything, we crave this feeling – this state of being – this joy that God says is ours and our soul longs for.

But as we look around us and others – we do not always see joy. We can’t always find it when we need it and we are not really sure what it is we are searching for. We’ve been told it is not happiness – that happiness is more of a fleeting feeling – an in the moment kind of reaction to something good. We’ve been told it’s not money or possessions or anything we can buy. So, I found myself wondering what is joy?

In an article by Dale Fletcher of Faith and Health Connection, he writes, “living a life that is in line with God’s principles that are written about in the Bible can not only bring a life of happiness but of joy and a sense that life is worth living…That’s how God designed us. And that’s why God inspired the writers of the Bible to give us the truth that can be found there.”

Psalm 16:11 (ESV) You make known to me the path of life; in your presence there is fullness of joy; at your right hand are pleasures forevermore.

It seemed to me, if God gave us the principles on how to live in joy, a lot of us had to be missing something in the Bible since we weren’t experiencing joy. Maybe it’s a cultural error. The subjects of loneliness, fewer family connections, and disconnection despite many online connections are popular themes among articles I read. Then I started hearing about discipleship at Heartland and talks on themes such as living life together and creating family – and I was intrigued.

In Ghost Boy, Martin Pistorius wrote “… I wondered if it was possible to get so used to joy that you stopped noticing it?”

Maybe we do stop noticing all the joy around us – maybe we stop noticing all the people around us too. In Jennifer Senior’s book All Joy and No Fun, she wrote about George Vaillant, a psychiatrist who took on the Grant Study in 1939 and has followed the same group of Harvard sophomores, collecting data about every aspect of their lives and deaths. She wrote of Valliant’s observations: “Joy is connection” and joy is “almost impossible to experience alone” and “joy is grief inside out”.

That made sense to me. Living life together makes sense and joy is connection; connection to God and connection to each other. Our “In” crowd, our group, our family, our friends, our intimate relationships, our relationship with Jesus, maybe our Women Unplugged Table…our “in’s” are joy. We were made for a deep fellowship and connection with other people as well as with God to satisfy our soul cravings. We share our hopes, fears, thoughts, failures, and dreams with those we feel a connection deep enough to be vulnerable with our hearts. We only get our craving for joy filled when we experience those kind of relationships and ongoing connections.

A brief moment of connection with a stranger or acquaintance doesn’t fill the imprint God left on our hearts. We need a soul connection with God and others. We need to share intimate details of ourselves with Him and with people we love that we have continued connections with in our lives.

Unfortunately – mourning and joy are intertwined. We can’t actually experience the joy connections without risking – and experiencing – mourning and loss. We raise kids for that joy connection – even though we know we will lose them – because they grow up, move away, or we lose them through tragedy. But we do it anyway because it’s a joy connection worth the cost. We love others because it’s worth the cost. We may lose our spouses, friends, or family, but we choose to make joy connections because it’s worth the cost of mourning them when the connection is over. We marry because no matter how it ends, it’s worth the risk and the memories and the cost – it’s worth the joy connection through the years, we hope. We make friends even though people change and people move and people hurt us. But it’s worth the joy connections. Jesus’ friend Judas betrayed him in the end, but he made the connection anyway. He knew who would betray him. We do not. But we connect anyway.

Vulnerability and courage are hard to muster in a world where hurting people hurt hurting people. Our core beings are damaged by failures, fears, rejection, and grief. To expose our wounds, oozing and raw, to other people takes trust built over time and consistent relationship. We are unable to heal alone but not safe enough to ask for help or share our being– having been hurt, rejected, judged, condemned, feeling worthless and without value. We have experienced the opposite of grace, love, and mercy. The opposite of God’s love. The opposite of Jesus hanging on a cross for his friends. The opposite of support, empathy, and encouragement. The opposite of what we need to heal.

Every human being needs encouragement, love, and support to flourish and to heal and to believe the truth in God’s word – to believe we have worth, a calling, a purpose, and value. We need those kind of people to connect with in life to experience joy. Safe people we love, who love us. Every person we love isn’t going to be the kind of person we are able to connect to on that level and be vulnerable enough to share our deepest selves and find that kind of joy connection. Jesus found twelve joy connections. Then out of the twelve disciples, three whom he had intimate soul connections.

It’s a paradox to learn that what we crave most are things we cannot hold onto in this life. We will always be learning to let go, waiting for heaven, and maintaining, making, and losing joy connections. It’s comforting to know we can never lose God, our greatest joy connection. When we lose others or are betrayed, he stands firm and keeps us steady. Psalms 62:6 He alone is my rock and my salvation, my fortress where I will not be shaken.

He holds onto us and sustains us even when we cannot hold onto him. He is our rock we stay connected to so our human relationships cannot sink us. Jesus had a Judas and we will too, but he also had eleven solid friends who stood by his side through the joy and through the pain.

We read the Bible, listen to God’s voice, and pray because we cannot live in joy without our connection to Him. God created us to connect to him and then to each other. Joy is connection and connection was made to be shared between God and others. You’ve heard of the triangle? Up, In, and Out. Connection “Up” to God and “In” with other Christ-followers – these are our joy connections – and “Out” is our mission from Jesus – to show lost people Jesus by our actions and our words.

We sometimes find ourselves missing our “In”. In’s can be hard to find – scary too. Most of us have been deeply hurt by our “In”s – who may or may not be Christ-followers. To put yourself out there and try again, is hard. It costs. And when you find a joy connection, it means you most certainly will face loss again. But joy is worth the cost. Living this life without joy…hurts. It’s lonely. God doesn’t want that for us. He calls us to good things.

Proverbs 17:22 (ESV) A joyful heart is good medicine, but a crushed spirit dries up the bones.

Psalm 126:5 (ESV) Those who sow in tears shall reap with shouts of joy!

What stops us from wanting to connect with others besides the possibility of being hurt? Connection costs time, energy, loss of freedom, and obligates us to the people we connect with if we want to continue our connection.

In the book All Joy and No Fun, Jennifer Senior quotes Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi “freedom in our culture has evolved to mean freedom from obligations. But what on earth does that freedom even mean if we don’t have something to give it up for?” In our personal lives, Csikszentmihalyi writes, rules can liberate us even as they bind: “One is freed of the constant pressure of trying to maximize emotional returns.”

Interesting. The Bible agrees. Once we surrender to Christ – we are free. We surrender to his ways of doing things. He of course knows exactly how we’re made and tells us to follow certain principles to ensure we will find joy and peace and everything else we crave. He knows we will only find joy giving ourselves to a higher purpose, being generous, being connected, and truly showing love. So he tells us to do those things. God says we have to “do” not just feel. The psychology field has found the same thing. We actually have to get outside of ourselves and do things we feel good about for others – thinking about them isn’t enough. Doing costs.

If we find ourselves too busy for God or people, we find ourselves too busy for joy. I admit I have found myself too busy for joy – too busy for connection. But priorities can change. Maybe connection with God and others is a priority worth changing in our lives since it is essentially the only reason for living…

Pride. Ugh pride hurts. It also keeps us from connecting with others. Pride either leads us to judgment or insecurity. Comparing ourselves to each other is wrong and it hurts. For connection with each other we need loads of grace and forgiveness. We are each just too imperfect – too human – not to need heaps of it from other people and to give heaps of it away. Joy connections are worth the cost.

Connecting changes people. Joy change peoples. People notice joy because people crave joy. Joy is one of those things that changes people who change churches who change the world.

When you are joyous, look deep into your heart and you shall find it is only that which has given you sorrow that is giving you joy. When you are sorrowful look again in your heart, and you shall see that in truth you are weeping for that which has been your delight. -Khalil Gibran

Do you have joy connections? What is holding you back?

- Tara Godard

References

Senior, Jennifer (2014-01-28). All Joy and No Fun: The Paradox of Modern Parenthood. Kindle Edition.

Pistorius, Martin (2013-11-12). Ghost Boy: The Miraculous Escape of a Misdiagnosed Boy Trapped Inside His Own Body. Thomas Nelson. Kindle Edition.

Fletcher, D. (Sept. 2, 2008) Joy, Wellbeing & Health – Weekly Faith & Health Scripture – Psalm 119:2: Faith and Health Connection.  http://www.faithandhealthconnection.org/faith-health-scripture-joy-wellbeing-health-psalm-1192/

When Mistakes Become Exactly What We Needed

The warm promise of "what if" and my cold apprehension collided in a tiny brown house near Prospect last week. The day started bleak and cold, bare twigs frozen outside my windows frozen in the gray. It was 12:21 and we were ready to go out the door. Then I saw the text: playdate cancelled.

The kids went back to their game. I went to the kitchen counter and scrolled facebook. I came to the message marking my mistake of the week, the one I couldn't get out of my head. The mistake which turned our day into an adventure I hadn't even known I wanted.

Three hours later we found ourselves in Kansas City, Missouri, our minivan laden with a Buzz Lightyear toddler bed (with detachable neon green wings). We parked the car in front of a humble house in a neighborhood I've historically bypassed by driving over it on the interstate. "Why do all the houses look broken and it says 'danger' on them?" Abby asked.

As I stepped over the front step's foot-long wooden crevice and past the shredded lawn chair cushions, I prayed this was the right house. They all had bars on the windows. In my head, I rehearsed how I would throw myself to the ground if I heard gunfire. I looked back at my kids sitting expectantly in the car. Should I have told them to hit the ground just in case? I rang the doorbell. Two tiny fingers parted the blinds. The door opened.

A week earlier I had posted my son's wooden toddler bed for sale online. A moment later I saw a post from a lady named Andrea. She needed household furniture and items for a family moving here from India. I offered the bed. Here's my real classy move: I sold the bed to a buyer before Andrea responded. In the name of good manners, first comes first, or whatever, I thought I was doing right. Turns out, it felt all wrong.

So our playdate cancelled, I stood staring at the response to Andrea on my screen: "Sorry, I sold the bed." I wondered what if I just dialed the children's consignment store and what if they just had a bed. Because in that moment, if I didn't move, nothing was ever going to change.

From behind the wrought iron door, a dignified woman with a wide smile named Kavita greeted the kids, Buzz Light Year, and me. Her two children and my two children helped us unload bed pieces and a basket of winter clothing items and toys.

Her son Nathan and I hunched down in the bedroom corner together to ensure the green neon wings got screwed in properly for night flight. His eyes were brighter than any full moon I'd ever seen. Kavita offered us bags of doritos and cheetohs. I noticed the blue flipflops with her socks. I asked her what she thought of the cold and America so far. She said people here are nice but would we come again so the kids could play. Her husband was getting his master's degree at a local seminary. They have no car. They cannot work on their visa. What if this moment was both bigger and smaller than either of us imagined?

My kids and I had just entered into their world and now there was responsibility and dignity and opportunity where I had only seen my uncharitable mistake of selling a bed I should have given away. This was God using broken words for His redemptive thoroughfares of nonsensical love.

We drove away in the dry afternoon wintry air. "Mom, where did the sun go?" Abby asked. I scanned the sky above 435. Then we both saw it off to the southwest, pink and yellow clouds reflected somehow on the bottom of all the gray. The sun was on its way to set, but it felt more like the beautiful sunrise between sleep and waking up.

- Christina M.

Brooms and Band-Aids

Admitting we are wrong is tough business. As someone who's followed Jesus for nearly 17 years, realizing I have blind spots of self-reliance and self-righteousness is no easy truth to swallow because part of me (a big part) wants to be a perfect daughter for my perfect Heavenly Father. One of Jesus' messages to His followers was to repent because God created us to be in relationship with Him, and unrepentant sin has a way of fogging up our view of God. He desires our sinful selves to be so near to His Holy Self that he allows us to say we're sorry...and accepts our Jesus covered apologies so that we "by the help of our God, return." (Hosea 12:6). God doesn't ask us to repent because he's cruel, or unjust, or unloving but because He is our perfect parent. One who is for not only our salvation, but our sanctification (us becoming more like Jesus). A parent who loves us enough to want our freedom instead of complacency, our joy instead of sorrow, our trust instead of fearful control. 

Like the children we are (no matter our actual age or spiritual maturity) we run hard from truth that may hurt, we hide evidence of the leftover cookie crumbs of sin, we ask for a bandaid to cover our wounds when what we really need is surgery for our souls. We are desperate for our God who loves us enough to send obstacles to slow our frantic pace, says that it's ok to sweep our messy sins right up to his throne, and isn't afraid to rip the band-aid off when necessary. 

Mark 1:15 says, "The Kingdom of God is near. Repent of your sins and believe the Good News!"

Repenting is God's way of admitting we're wrong and literally turning away from our sin. But because God parents his children in perfect love he doesn't stop there. Our Father is FOR OUR FREEDOM.  When he asks us to turn away from something, it's because he has something eternally better in mind. Thankfully we don't have to wait an eternity to experience His promises. When we come before God and admit and apologize (two words I use with my own daughters often), God begins the hard work with us of clearing out the clutter of our souls to make space for His kingdom. One of God's love languages is giving good gifts. They're the type of gifts you'll never need to keep the receipt for because there's no such thing as refunds or exchanges. Perfect Love knows the exact size of your need and the specific quantity of gift necessary to fill your deepest, truest desires...peace, love, joy, mercy, forgiveness, meekness, faith, hope...It's never too much and never too little. God is good, His gifts are real, they're available right now, and they're so much lighter than any pre-repentant load we could ever carry. 

Jena M.

Indoor Activities

Wow, what a treat our weather has been lately (until the last couple of days, that is)!  I hope you all enjoyed the sunshine and WARMTH we’ve so graciously gotten to experience in January.  As we have seen, Winter isn’t done with us yet though so I’ve got a few activities to keep you (and your kids!) going strong!

*Build a fort indoors and read books or have a picnic inside

*Bring a little bit of spring inside by planting flowers indoors.  A few weeks back, Target had tiny flower pots complete with dirt and seeds in their dollar section you could try or head to Home Depot to let your child pick out their own.  Just be sure to choose a seed that grows fairly quickly!

*Create your own snow flurries indoors by snipping up some of your own.  Head to snowflakes.info or try http://www.marcels-kid-crafts.com/snowflake-pattern.html for folding and cutting techniques and patterns.  Have fun experimenting with your children…or by yourself!  I haven’t tried this so it could either be quite therapeutic to fold and cut and see a beautiful snowflake emerge, or quite frustrating to fold and cut and have pieces flutter to the floor!  Let me know how it goes!

*Break out the glitter and markers and make Valentines.  Deliver to a hospital, retirement or nursing home, or just to friends and family.

*Marshmallow snowmen:  I simply drew three body parts on an 8 x 11 piece of construction paper for       our almost 4 year old and only 2 body parts on a 4 x 5.5 (half of an 8 x 11) piece for our 2 year old.  Then each child glued marshmallows around the outline I had drawn to create their snowman.  Our 4 year old did most of the activity independently, although I did have to watch how much glue he was using (as we were using a bottle of plain ‘ol Elmers) and how many marshmallows he was eating!  We had a challenge to put on 10 marshmallows before eating 1.  ☺  For our 2 year old, I mostly did the gluing, although she helped a bit.  She was pretty much able to manage putting the marshmallows on by herself, which was a great fine motor task for her too!

*Just as a side note, you could have your child put a dot of glue on the marshmallow and then 

                stick down.  However, since I knew attention spans wouldn’t last that long for our children, we 

                squirted glue on the outline, then let them go to town sticking the marshmallows down.  

                Either way works!  This same activity could be done using cotton balls instead of 

  marshmallows too.

Whatever you do, carve out a little bit of one on one time with your child(ren) to do an activity with them, even if it’s not listed here.  You’ll all be happier for it.  Enjoy!

Julie C.