Like many of you, I recently ordered our family Christmas cards. I had preselected a few layout options, had our family photos from a session this summer, and had my coupons to stack on Cyber Monday deals -- just like I do every year. But as I looked at our smiling faces in the photo above the simple message of holiday greeting, they felt hollow and false.
Those pictures of us were from an extended family photo shoot I had planned for the one-year anniversary of my father-in-law's death. I had encouraged/bullied my brothers and sisters-in-law to come to Kansas for a small reunion so we could join in support around my mother-in-law and process our emotions from the last year together. It made sense to me to push for this. Even though they would all still be hurting and our gathering would be tense from the obvious absence it would be okay because I would be there for everyone. I would be the strong one, I would be the clear-headed one who could smile, make a joke, and ease some heartache. This time together was what we all needed so that we could figure out what family looked like after their dad was gone. And if we happened to get a few quick snapshots -- by a professional -- of the grandkids with grandma and each sibling with his or her individual family plus one --or two -- of the whole group, well, it would be so natural who would even notice we were doing it?
Then my dad died, almost 11 months to the day after my father-in-law. And this well-planned photo session would now take place in the midst of my own fresh grief. I look at our faces in the photos and the normalcy of us makes me think I have the timing of things wrong. How could the people in these pictures have revisited the grave of one father and four weeks earlier buried the other father? I can't see any of the pain we felt in our relaxed smiles and easy poses. None of the turmoil, the tears, the sleepless nights are there with us in the photos. How is that possible? The most significant loss I have ever felt had just happened, but I look so...normal. There should have been no humanly way we could make smiles.
But we did. And while my grief has muddled my memory of the summer, I know there were moments when we did feel joy. I did crack a joke, my sisters-in-law did comment on how naturally and easily the photo session came together. So how do I capture all that in a holiday message that will look right in sparkling gold script?
For the second year in a row I have tried to pick the right phrase for the front of the card. To craft a short hopeful message on the back that would gracefully acknowledge our sadness and honor our lost loved one, while still allowing others to smile at the photo and then move on in the happiness of the season. It isn't as simple as you may think. This year my husband vetoed the phrases, "a hole that will never be filled," and "a heartache that may never end," as "a bit heavy for the medium" of Christmas card.
The message I settled on both years included thanks for our supportive friends and family. Last year I noted that our year was marked by deep sadness and yet deep joy. This year I wrote that we could remember this year as the hardest one, but instead we will choose to remember the year for all the love.
John 16:33 says, "I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world." God doesn't want us to experience the brokenness of death and sadness. But we do and because that is our reality for now he did something amazing. He sent Jesus. He sent his son to overcome it all. So even in our sadness that is something to find joy in.
Blessings,
Meghan Hemenway
At-Home Study: adapted from 'Advent: Born is The King' plan from She Reads Truth
Pray: ask God to reveal Himself to you through the scriptures, to help you receive the message He has specifically for you today.
Read: each passage twice in 2-3 different translations.
{Day 2} Exodus 17:1-7
{Day 4} 2 Corinthians 8:9
{Day 5} Isaiah 9:6-7
Observe: What is happening? What catches your attention? What is the message of this passage?What thoughts or feelings does it provoke?
Reflect: Why do these things catch your attention? Why do you feel or think certain things from reading it?
Apply: What does this say about God? What does it say about people? What does it say about God's plan for us? What does this mean for you? How can you apply what God is saying to you?
