Breast Cancer Survivor…a tag I wear with joy, gratitude, and frankly some pride. Joyful to be past it, grateful for doctors, nurses, and those women who went before me who suffered far more than I ever did, and with pride because, well, I get special shirts and recognition for something that I really had nothing to do with.
But ‘survivor’, for me, was a passive term. I turned myself over to a group of qualified, but complete strangers. I was radiated, cut, poked and infused. I had blood drawn, tests run, was examined and comforted. Honestly, the medical part of the experience required nothing of me except my body’s presence at the times and places not of my choosing.
Yes, I have scars and lymph edema. Yes, I lost all of my hair, yes, everywhere. When I lost my eyebrows and lashes, I looked a bit like a newborn hamster. Yes, I was radiated until parts of my chest feel like chicken that has been overcooked in a microwave, but all in all, I simply had to show up. Now I’m all better and I’ve been in celebration mode since the 5th anniversary of my diagnosis in August.
So, what does this have to do with Jesus? Everything. The physical part of my cancer took its toll as it does with every person whose health is compromised. But that was the easy part. No one would say, “Gee, cancer was a piece of cake,” but I am here to tell you that with Jesus, it wasn’t the worst thing that could happen to a person either.
One of Paul’s letters was to the church in Philippi. Paul wrote to those folks encouraging them to keep up their faithful work. He told them to rejoice, even in suffering as he had. In the last chapter of this short letter, Paul speaks volumes in 4 verses:
6-7“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
8“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things.”
9”Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.”
Now, there’s a sermon! But how did that work for me?
My cancer was not the first cancer we experienced. It was not the first time that we learned how cancer may grow in one body, but it can make friends, spouses, children, feel just as stricken. We lost my dad in 1993 and then my mother-in-law in 1996. Both had cancer.
Taking that August phone call, “I’m sorry, the biopsy results were positive. You have cancer,” then holding my husband as I told him, was rough. The next hardest part was telling my mother and then my children.
What happened next was what I would call a left- handed blessing. I only knew 4 people in Kansas City, (one being my husband) and we had left behind children, friends, and a great church family. But here, we were more alone that we had ever been. Alone, but not left alone. God had gone before us and prepared a place and a new set of friends and a church family for us.
Just a couple of weeks before my surgery, we attended and fell in love with Heartland. Basically we walked in, said, “Hi, we have cancer and we need some friends,” and the flood gates opened. When I got home from surgery, 4 women I had so recently met arrived with food, food, cards, flowers, and more food. Until I could drive, they drove me here and there when Greg had to travel for work. Later, they drove me to and from chemo and made sure I was settled on the couch before leaving.
Paul would remind me that my heart and my mind were protected and the God of peace was with me.
But, God kept whispering to me to be more than a survivor. He reminded me to think about things that were true, admirable, praiseworthy, and lovely. So I did.
What is true? God loves me. He didn’t give me cancer to test me or teach me. We live in a fallen, imperfect world and our bodies are part of that world. Those cells were not His doing, but they were an opportunity to learn to trust Him more, to share His joy, and to praise Him for what He has done. Later, I could go and encourage others. I became the go-to gal for anyone with cancer. Every few weeks someone at church would introduce me a woman with tears in her eyes and we would hug, talk, and pray. We call it our wonderful, stupid sisterhood.
People prayed for me and they got to see God do some of His best work. We learned to lean on Him and Him alone, not people or traditions, but Him. I could just lay back and feel the love of Jesus surrounding me. I can best describe it as a hammock, swaying gently and completely surrounding me, letting me rest and heal.
What is lovely and praiseworthy? Devoted doctors and those wonderful nurses who daily stick countless people with needles to pump poisons into their bodies to kill cancer cells. They bring juice, pillows, warm blankets, and love. You’ve heard the phrase, Jesus with skin on. There is a lot of that in cancer centers and thinking of that makes me feel blessed.
The God of peace and His wonderful son Jesus have been at my side, in surgery, taking chemo and radiation, letting me rest and heal in a very real way. Yes, I had my pain, my unsettled stomach, my weariness, but I was never alone.
I know not every cancer or even illness story ends as sweetly as mine has. I know many have prayed for peace and healing and the answer has not been what they want or expect. Some of you may be ill now or love someone who is. But what is true, noble, right, pure, lovely, admirable, excellent and praiseworthy is this:
Jesus loves you. He is love. He has never left you and He never will. Even through pain, biopsies, uncertainty, sadness and fear, He is never away from your side.
I cling to Him and His love and grace when I am well as desperately as I did when I was not. He wants to help you be a survivor, surviving this earthly life to be with Him forever. If your forever hasn’t already started, it is my prayer that it will begin, today, here and now. You will always be loved!
~Jennifer James
