My
tween has been thinking a lot (too much) about her life purpose...as in her
LIFE purpose. That makes me really evaluate where I am in my mid-life purpose
(read "crisis"). My first reaction is to tell her to stop thinking
about it and go play. Then I take a deep breath and see the emergence of a very
young woman looking back at me. My gut reaction to this question is
simple. Love others. Done. Life purpose complete. But, this didn't quite
satisfy her. Time went on and the question came back. While I still personally
stick to the love answer, I realized something.
We're
asking the wrong question. The question isn't "What's my life
purpose?" That's too stressful. The question is simply "How can I be
purposeful today?"
Kids
need to grow up hearing about the MANY...MILLIONS....of purposes they will have
in their lives. Being purposeful is organic and ever-changing. When we ask
"How can I be purposeful today?" we can think of specific
answers...contributions...reasons...even timelines to be purposeful. We have
more control with being purposeful each day instead of swimming in daily
uncertainty if we are progressing with one life purpose. Some days we all rock
out some purpose. Other days we're slugs. That's normal. The slug days have
their own purpose. Rest. Recharge. Reboot. Slugs are slow but they are still
moving. Slime and all.
Purposeful
may feel big one day and minuscule the very next morning. Purposeful may take
the shape of changing someone's life or just changing the trash to help the
good of the home. Purposeful may be looking out for a new kid at school only to
give space when he/she is connecting with a different group of friends. The
coolest part of living a purposeful life vs living out one life
purpose, is the power to define and redefine and grow and change and well, be
human...aka...less pressure.
While
we're rethinking questions...I've always cringed when little kids are asked
"What do you want to be when you grow up?" Can we all agree to save
that for high schoolers? Instead let's ask, "What are your
hobbies?" or "What makes you laugh?" or "Tell me how you've
been kind or helpful today" or, if they're feeling adventurous, maybe
talk goals for the quarter or grade level. Goals are good, career choices at
age 8 are not. When our kids are asked "What do you want to be when
you grow up?", let's help them find bigger, more purposeful
answers...."happy, loved, kind, wise...etc" or "I'm
exploring my options".
Parenting
is tough for 9,377 reasons...one of which is teaching our kids to not only ask
questions, but to ask the best questions. And, to not be afraid to change their
question when the answers just don't feel right. Most answers are not a one
size fits all...neither are the questions.
Whether
you are parenting or grandparenting or mentoring or sistering or friending or
strangering, pay attention to the questions you are asking others and the
questions you are asking yourself. If there's a question bugging you, like my
daughter, consider modifying your question and see where it leads you.
With
much love and a little sluggishness,
Shelisa
Welde
