One of my biggest guilty pleasures
during naptime these days is watching HGTV on Netflix. I look forward to those
precious minutes each day where I can sit on the couch, in a quiet house, eat
my lunch and just watch those designers, handymen and realtors work their
magic. There is something deeply
therapeutic about watching something old have new vision and life breathed into
it. I never tire of seeing the evidence
of how these seemingly hopeless and broken down spaces can absolutely become
beautiful, useful and purposeful again.
The imagery is not lost on me when I
stop to ponder why these shows about renovation, restoration, fixing up and
renewal so deeply resonate with me. Sure
my heart loves beauty, my spirit loves working to make a house into a home, but
more than that, I personally know what it feels like to feel a bit run down,
broken and a long way from beautiful.
It was not so long ago that I felt lost,
alone, and without hope for my future.
Earlier in our marriage, we lost our first child, weathered the loss of
stability due to several job changes, and later after the birth of our second
child, we lost our fertility. It was
during those darkest days that I felt myself begin to also lose my faith as we
struggled to build our family and the life we had imagined for ourselves. In my darkest, most broken days I struggled
in my ability to see God working and moving in my life for the good. I felt the way I imagine a run-down,
abandoned, ramshackle house looks:
forgotten, empty, hopeless, unworthy and unlovable.
Thankfully, we serve a God who never
abandons us. His word says in Deuteronomy 31:8, “The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he
will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged.” During my time of struggle, I was continually
reminded through His word and by my close circle of friends around me that His
plan for me was not finished. While it
felt like the walls of my life were crumbling down, I meditated on the truth of
how He is constantly working in and through us to renew and restore us for His
glory. Although most days I could not
feel it, I knew and believed this to be true.
He is constantly working to bring back life where there was none;
bringing beauty from ashes. It is His specialty. His word says in Isaiah 43:19, “See, I am doing a new thing!
Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the wilderness
and streams in the wasteland.”
Our God is in the business of making all
things new again and I am living proof.
God has done what I felt was impossible and restored my heart to
life. I no longer feel only
disappointment, hopelessness and unworthiness as I walk through my days. He has accomplished in my heart what no
miracle-working designer on HGTV could ever do:
He has renovated and restored the rooms of my heart and the vision of my
eyes. And from the perspective of
someone who lived through the desolation days, the rooms and the view are
lovely beyond expression.
I marvel at where I am now compared to
where I once was. I now know that our
God, the Master Creator, has a vision for our lives more beautiful and
awe-inspiring than anything we could ever dream up or find on HGTV. It is still fun to watch those gifted
designers, handymen and realtors use their incredible talents, but despite all
of the miracle “before and
afters” they pull off for
the cameras, I know they have nothing on our God.
Sarah L.
